Do You Believe In Santa Claus?

Do You Believe In Santa Claus? 

A fictional story about professional football and a betrayal of faith.

2:05 AM Feb 4^th, 2018

Tom spent most of the small hours of the night pacing nervously in his hotel suite, his feet and hands sweating as he thought about the phone call.

His time was up. 

It wasn’t all his fault anyway, he thought.  After all it really could have been anyone, he just happened to come along at the right place and right time.  He was just following orders.  He had no time for his periphery vision to be wasted for the outside world.

They had told him what to do.  They always did.  Whether it was the old man who looked fake with his combed over silver hair and plush ties, or the younger man who looked older than any of them and smelled of bad cigars and expensive scotch.

“Come to bed,” whispered an unseen angelic figure from the opaque shadow.

“In a minute, I gotta’ get my head right” he answered with just enough emphasis to not be questioned.

His mind hammered and his stomach seemed empty and sick at the same time.

He walked out into the hallway, the lights out save for some iridescent blue lighting coming from the security lights.

For the first time in over 18 years, Tom wondered who he would be.

Here he was, the poster boy on the video game covers.  The one that married the Super Model.  The one that everyone (or at least a large section of the general population) wanted to be.

He was the best, the most decorated ever, and he just wanted one more ring, just one more.  It’s all that he ever really wanted anymore.  The only thing that didn’t seem guaranteed.  The only thing that was up for grabs.

But he was wrong, and now he had to choose his next steps carefully.

Should he continue to play their game?  Or should he chart his own path and expose it all?

Why did he care?

Tom wasn’t one to question his own success until now.  After all, he knew how hard he worked, how much he studied the game.  He put hours after hours, listening to coaches, reviewing the film.  It consumed him.  At times it was ALL he thought about.

Be the best, work the hardest, don’t doubt your own ability.  Believe in yourself.  Believe in the impossible. 

Yet that Saturday night, on the eve the biggest sports event in the world, in which he would star, Tom finally asked himself whether he was acting the part of the hero rather than being it.

The League had made him a millionaire ten times over.  He was in so many ways indebted to it.

“3 Out Slot, Ghost Tracer, 73 on set, Tom, watch the blitz, they love to blitz this down, if so look to your Hot.”

It happened just like that. 

Not all, but most.

Tom had always thought this was the brilliance of his coach, the ability to predict blitzes and coverages, based on little more than scouting and intuition.  Perhaps some analytics.

“Tom, I think they’ll be in cover 3 here, you should have Gronk on the cross.”

“Hey, keep your tail in to block, might be a zone blitz.”

But that was all before the phone call…

6:18 PM Feb 3^rd, 2018

It was snowing outside in Minnesota with a kind of unsympathetic cold, and it was generally as Minnesotan as a winter day could get.  Tom was engrossed with his tablet studying film, his soul consumed with the thought of becoming the best at EVERYTHING, to put more on his mantle than anyone before him or would again.  He felt he was close.

He wasn’t startled so much as annoyed, but when the caller ID read that the cigar man was calling he picked up.  He would always pick up for him.

“Tom…” The voice came but without the steely resolve and confidence it was known for, as though it was searching for its own identity.

“Tom, I’m sorry.  We had a good run, but it’s over.”

“Sorry what?”

“It’s over Tom, we can’t do it anymore, it’s too risky, and you are going to have to take the hit.”

“Bill what the fuck are you talking about”

“Tom, it’s always been this way, we never tell you guys anything until we think you’re ready, and, well, you might not be ready, but we have to move now.  There’s just too much money invested elsewhere.  We had our run, but it’s over.  You’re going to have to take the hit.”

Tom attempted to speak but he had no words yet.  He felt as though someone was joking with him.  Putting him on as a prank.

“Tom, I…I’m sorry.  We had a great run.  But it’s over.  In the third quarter, they’re going to blitz, we will call the ghost right, but you are going to take a big hit, and I just want you to be ready, because it’s the last one you get to take.  After this, you may decide to announce, maybe you’ll coach, but no one wants to see you or I on the field anymore.  Our story is done.”

“Bill, what…”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get paid more than you can imagine.  And you’ll still have a hero’s welcome, and you’ll get your ring, but this is going to be it.  Tom, it’s not real.  The game… It’s an illusion with subtle choreography.  We can’t let the kids know, we can’t let those dumb asses in the south and in the ghettos, know, but it’s finally time you did.  Our sport, what started as a game, became a business, and we can’t stop it anymore.  We stand to gain billions tomorrow.  Do you understand?  Billions.”

Tom felt his stomach grow tighter.  A knot that wasn’t there suddenly ten minutes ago, seemed to have just sprouted and now felt like it was siphoning the flow of blood to the rest of his body.

“It wasn’t always this way, but once television came, and the crowds were selling out, what was everyone supposed to do?  It all started with Otto Graham in the 50’s.  Yes, all the way back then.  You see the game until that point was boring.  The running game was everything to a football game, and it resembled more of a rugby style game that was violent, athletically strenuous, but boring to watch….”

Tom could feel his heart jumping around in his chest like a psychopath against a padded wall.  He could barely listen.  He could barely think.

“Wait, please stop.  Is this some kind of psycho-analytic motivational technique?  If it’s rigged, someone else would have let it slip, there’s no way that many coaches and players could know.  It’s impossible!”  Tom shouted exasperatedly.

“We don’t tell most of you.  Just the legends.  Just the ones that deserve it.  The ones that have given the game and us so much that we will never ever be able to repay you with all the money in the world.  Besides, it’s so much better if you don’t know what’s going on.  You play so much harder.  You nearly kill each other for the sake of the game.

Paul Brown was the first to do it with Otto Graham in Cleveland.  Brown could see that depending on spotting the right defense, the accuracy and beauty of Otto’s throws they were not only nearly unstoppable, but incredibly fun to watch the ball in the right spot more times than not.  People loved to watch his throws come down with those majestic spirals, land deftly in someone’s hands running to the end-zone.  Otto would walk up, see what the defense did and then adjusted.  He did it so well that he won 7 championships and appeared in several more.  Little did Otto know that he was a pawn in Paul’s incredible new game.

It started with just a script.  Simple stuff, really.  Paul and the other coaches would script out the plays for the game.  Not more than maybe 10, then let their players choose what to do during the game.  As the game progressed, they would alert their players to specific designs and needs of the game.  They devised a simple system of signaling to the other coaches that they needed to switch play designs.  Sometimes it didn’t work.  The players didn’t realize it was going on because, well, they were never trained to think that way.  They simply thought their respective coaches only had their players in mind.  It never occurred to them that they would work together.

The start was simple.  They simply would use small non-verbal signals.  They would have “plants” in the stands to observe via binoculars and give the information down.  Of course, mistakes happen, and you couldn’t very well control everything, but this allowed for dramatic comebacks and seemingly insurmountable leads to fall.  The goal was simple, to give the fans something exciting to watch.   Now it’s so much easier with the technology.  We simply tell the other coaches what we’re gonna run, then they tell us what defense they think will produce an interesting play for whichever side we want to have something happen.  We tell you where to look, where the strengths or weaknesses are maybe.  And the 2-minute drills?  They’re always scripted.  We know what offense to run, because we know what defense they’ll be running, and we train you for it.  That’s why we were put in a big hole against Atlanta last year, and why it was so easy to come back. 

Because that’s how it was supposed to go.

People love comeback stories. Sure, sometimes they love pure dominance, but it’s far more thrilling for a back and forth.  We like to root not only for champions, but the underdog champions.  The ones that come back from a War like Otto did after World War II.  Johnny Unitas, who was a ninth-round pick that got cut by Pittsburgh, would become the face of football for the late 50’s and early sixties.  Joe Montana a third-round pick, originally from a small coal mining town.  Kurt Warner was a grocery clerk.  In fact, it was going to be Kurt who we all thought would be the next greatest story, but then 9/11 happened and everyone just wanted to see the red white and blue win as soon as possible.  Baseball fucked it up when the Yankees lost to the Diamondbacks.  Sure, they tried, but it’s so much harder to hit baseballs than it is to throw and catch a football.  Shit happens.”

Tom hung up the phone.

It was all fake?  His life was a lie built on the entertainment of millions and not of his own work?  

The trophies and rings, his awards and stature seemed hollow now.   His arduous work seemed to be to be worthless.  Tom realized his shirt had now soaked through with sweat and he felt an overwhelming need to wash his face.  He rushed to bathroom, put his face to the faucet and attempted to scrub away the avalanche of doubt cascading through his mind.

The phone rang again…





1:15 AM Feb. 4^th, 2018

The night was slipping away with the icy wind.   Tom couldn’t feel the cold as much as he could sense it.  It was a barren and desolate night lacking any hint of warmth in the atmosphere.  He was lost in the moment, unable to move and numb from the reality that was hitting him in the face.

He was a fraud.  A rich and wealthy fraud, but a fraud nonetheless.  How could he have been so blind?  He just wanted to be liked, he wanted the glory of his Idol.  The rings and the recognition.  He knew he wasn’t the strongest or the fastest, but he thought he figured out the game.  That he understood it’s inner workings and could now decimate the opponent through his mind and preparation.  To find out that it was designed for him to win; that he was destined to be great through the work of people above him made him feel as though he had earned nothing. 

6:35 PM Feb. 3^rd, 2018

“It’s about the story, Tom, it’s always about the story.  We’ve been telling ours for almost twenty years.  It’s amazing how people only see what they want to see.  They wanted to see you win, the underdog from Michigan, a sixth round back up with gutty long drives.  The ball you threw seemed so beautiful, and obviously you looked the part.  Hell, obviously you still look the part!  We took you up and down and I’m sorry for that play against Kansas City.  We knew you were going to get hit a lot that game, but we never expected him to hit you low.

But that’s just part of business, you know?  You picked yourself back up and the next year we made sure you came in with that bang in Buffalo.  So, it works out.  It’s not like you haven’t been rewarded for what you’ve done. 

But it’s no longer up to us, it’s up the creators now and they say it’s time for some new blood.  Maybe Wentz, maybe Goff, maybe even DeShaun if he can come back and play.  The comeback kids are so easy to root for, so easy to believe in. 

If Tebow could have thrown better, he’d probably already have a few titles, but the kid just threw an ugly looking ball.  It would never translate. 

Anyway, the play is in the third, you’ll go reach for your knee and that’s it.  From there we can discuss what your retirement options can be.  Just listen for Josh to say “Santa” over the radio.

Again Tom, I’m sorry, but we’ll talk more later.”

8:30 PM Feb. 4^th, 2018

Tom felt no pain, and walked into the blue injury tent, where somehow the old man had made his way in.

“Great show, great show.”

He could look at the man’s hands, looking at the rings.

“Can’t believe I got you those...” murmured Tom.

The old man winked.  “Oh, my dear son, did you think you were a good boy all these years?  That you earned the presents under your tree?  You did well, but not any better than any of the other boys.  You see, Santa isn’t real, just their fathers, and luckily for you, you simply had the best father.  I’d spoil you more, but it’s time to get out of the house so to speak.  It’s time for you to grow up.  We still need you Tom, but now instead of executing our game, you need to take the next step.  To be where I am, to make me truly proud, you need design your own game.  Bill will help you if you like.  He’s been great at doing it since his days with the Giants.  But now it’s time to shut the door on your imagination and tell you the truth about Santa Claus.”

Eminem's Revival. A review from a fan.

Eminem's voice and rhyming skills, and music are iconic.  They continue to be iconic.  The twisted word plays and fantasies have played on many different levels and have varied on their levels of seriousness.

The quest for him and his style of music still can play and be relevant to a crowd that has now b
egun to grow into their 30's and assume the mass of adulthood, having lived past the tragedies (not unlike his own in many ways.) one is almost sure to experience by the their early teens and twenties.

For me, Eminem started at age 15.  The first time I heard him was while going to bed with the radio on the local rock station (or anything that could be considered "alternative") and listened to a hip hop song. 

Obviously from there he became a huge part of American culture.  The white rapper from Michigan.  A rags to riches story about poor America and upward mobility.  All the while shouting controversial lyrics and commenting on the nearly universal issues such as drugs and addiction, love, anger, and lately taking specific aim at the political policies of hate and our current climate.

The album cover shows a silhouette of what appears to be Eminem with his hand over his head as if saddened or in a moment of pain.  The backdrop is an American flag, which I take to mean that the album is a reflection to how Em might feel about the Country currently.  Or how he feels existing within it.

Overall the album is worth a listen, but it in all likelihood will not have the impact that Recovery had musically.  Eminem is at his best when his confidence is high and he's taking on all comers.  On this record he seems to battling social injustice while battling his own personal demons which leave's him sounding at times a bit muffled.



Track 1. Walk On Water (ft. Beyonce) ****

The light piano trickles in like a stream, relenting to Beyonce's vocals.  Eminem comes in after you hear another piece of papers seems to be crumpled and thrown out. In many ways it feels like Eminem is letting us in on his inner process. 

He laments the pressures and expectations of being a role model in this day and age, as well as his own pursuit of finding the perfect verse's, the perfect writing and rhyme's.  He starts, again and again.  Knowing that he isn't perfect, but yet he remains defiant in pursuit of his perfection. 

The sound is slow, melodic in such a way that really shines, and the contrast of Beyonce' and Eminem works very well.

Track 2. Believe  ***

The sound changes dramatically to a darker sound slow track where Eminem draws on his past and tells the story of how he needs to constantly drive.  At first blush the track moves a bit too slow for me.  I'm expecting a faster tempo and it takes a bit of time for the sound to really hit and understand the song. 

Track 3. Chloraseptic. *

I'll be honest this tempo and voice didn't hit me well.  It's a relatively simple song about in Em's mind amounts to his perceived and perhaps metaphorical competition is.  Honestly, I'm sure some people like the word play here and what not, but it's just not my speed on first listen.

Track 4. Untouchable ***

A funky track intro belies the incredible take on white culture and taking on the issue of police brutality, and more acutely later in the song white entitlement.  He attempts to tackle the impossible of racial inequality in America.  Needless to say, your feeling towards this song's content will probably greatly affect how you think of the song.  Personally?  I really enjoyed it.  Em and his speech are the stars here, the music and chorus only meant for you to pay attention and not to get lost in the relatively forgettable background beat.


Track 5.  River (Ft. Ed Sheeran) ****

It's a song about being a cheat.  Straight up.  Em spins the tale of high intensity love and sex drive while Ed Sheeran laments the results.  A song about not being able to be in control and give in to temptation, and the regret in the inability to become more emotionally available.

Track 6. Intro

Track 7. Remind Me **

A departure from the serious mood and back to the juvenile level that made Eminem, Remind Me uses the iconic sound of Joann Jett's "I love rock'n'roll" to create a hip-hop saloon song that see's Em chasing an overly sexualized version of women.  It's playful and fun, but for me, a bit over the top and not necessarily as clever or as catchy as some of his other work.

Track 8. Revival (Interlude)

Track 9. Like Home ***

He takes on Trump.  It's a direct attack on him and how many in America see his as an obstacle to race relations and peace.  Similar to Believe, your own politics will play on how you feel about this song.  If you feel that race still plays a huge part in American society and discrimination then you'll have empathy for this song.  If not, you won't.


Track 10.  Bad Husband (Ft. X Ambassadors) **

A melancholy song about the Eminem's failures as a husband.  Kim remains a muse for Shady, and no matter how many words are said about his family, there appears to be a never ending love that cannot be broken forever. 

Track 11.  Tragic Endings (Ft. Skylar Grey) **

A recurring theme of the album and maybe why Album seems to dwell on Eminem's pain.  In this song he talks about how his attraction to a love makes him see past abuse and things that might be detrimental to himself.  The feelings of insecurity, of being manipulated for the pursuit of love.  It's not a bad song, but at this point in the album I'm still waiting to get pumped up by something and now I'm starting to feel a bit depressed.

Track 12.  Framed *

A fantasy track of sorts where Slim takes on a journey of putting Ivanka Trump in a trunk and dismembering lawyers.  Too be honest a bit too over the top for me at first blush. 

Track 13.  Nowhere Fast (Ft. Kehalani) ***

This is the pace that I think I was looking forward to and waiting for. 

Instantly accessible with the mentality of a middle finger to the world, this song is about on some levels if the world ends tomorrow and not stressing about things.  However the musical arrangement really compliments the rap and thus brings out the first memorable and potential cross over track since "River"

Track 14. Heat  *

In my mind a pretty forgettable track that sounds like a bit of a continuation of Remind Me, except it lacks Joan Jett's music.  I'm sure it was fun to make and write but I found it a bit boring and too similar to his earlier tracks.

Track 15.  Offended ****

This is where if you love word play, you really see the true talent of Eminem.  How he can move and rhyme in so many different speeds and move to different directions.  This won't be a radio hit in all likelihood but it may be one of Em's most popular song among rap enthusiasts similar to "Rap God"

Track 16. Need Me (Ft. Pink) **

Another song about co-dependency on one another.  While similar to Tragic Ending's, Eminem's tone seems a bit different, perhaps more hopeful.  More uplifting.  Still the message can't be ignored about how flawed Eminem see's himself and his relationships. 

Track 17.  In Your Head ***

As the album finally begins to wind down Eminem seems a bit lost.  Indeed he does go inside his own head takes on the Persona that is Em.  He wonders where he has come from, and where does he go from here.  The sampled cranberries, similar to how he sampled Joan Jett again really come and help the song move along.

Track 18.   Castle **

A song dedicated to his daughter.  Em reflects on his decisions to how raise Hailie.  The only problem is that while the song isn't bad, it's also on some level just a continuation of Mocking Bird that he released in 2004.

Track 19.  Arose **

An introspective Eminem speaks to his commercial success as well as his failures.  He can't help but speak his regrets and how he has grown.  While he plays cleverly at the end to show that he still has more to give.  And while this album might be a bit more subdued than Recovery or the Marshall Mathers LP2, he will be back, still striving for his perfect rhyme.

Police Brutality and Racial Inequality.

Why is it so hard to stand against police brutality and the inequality of justice in our criminal systems? 

Why is it so hard to see past skin color and the uniforms and not see and hear the blatant calls for justice?

It's about a gang murder.

It's about racism and anger.

It's FEAR of deadly force in the hands of civilians, and response without rational thought, and only the compulsory part of of the brain.

It's the disrespect of our men and women who come home after serving based on skin color.

Fear.  It cannot be tolerated as an excuse for deadly force.  Our levels of fear are more often than not unjustified.  We are scared at movies, at the dark, at almost anything at any given time without any real rationale.  So fear should not be a deciding force to take a life. 

Not to mention I have my own issues of being tailgated and harassed just for working late hours, or being pulled over simply for having a black passenger.

It's not all police, there are many great ones, and from what I would gather they may well be the majority. But I'm so tired of their names being lumped with these terrible ones.  The ones that bully ANY part of the public, but especially those that do it based on race.

If we want this all to stop, we need to address the actual issue rather than beating around the bush.

I'm positive the honorable officers are tired of hearing about it, as are their loved ones. So let's do something about it.  Let's do something about the dishonorable ones. 

The truth of the matter is that there are real problems with our racial discrimination within our law enforcement establishment and that it's in our collective best interest to address it rather than continue dealing with non-issues.

Rather than continue the garbage talk why don't we start addressing the problem, and ask simple questions such as why?

Perhaps we need to revisit specific laws that allow so many criminals to be armed, something I'm sure has a measure of support from our police force.  Or perhaps drug laws and our confusion both ethically and morally on how we treat addicts from all walks of life?  How about we address the educational system in poor communities? 

I would address some of those.  Suggesting first that we end the drug war as it's currently conducted, and getting addicted people help rather than creating a larger law issue.  Opioids, cocaine, alcohol, marijuana, and more need to be re-examined by our systems and how we handle them.  I would fully legalize marijuana, similar to alcohol (though I would drop the drinking age to 18); tighten controls at the pharmaceutical level on opioids to prevent addiction. 

We need better access to help for the opioid addicts from a medical standpoint.  All drugs are bad, but the state needs to better educate and heal and prevent addiction rather than directly intervene in terms of incarcerating users.  We have created a huge black market by doing so rather than address things openly and honestly. 

Secondly, there is a real fear in any poorer area that the population will be armed with weapons.  This is kind of where it gets tricky and complex, but I would offer that we need to fund our education systems, have better gun laws, improve training for officers on bias as well as involve more community policing. 

In my view we need to have higher standards and harsher penalties on police that abuse power.  I would also offer more compensation to those that are in the field to do well to keep a financial incentive to keep standards high, and to get rid people who can't fulfill the job requirements faster. 

The position of officer should be as reputable a public position as we have.  People who serve to protect the general public.  They are there to not only enforce our laws, but they are trusted to do so equally and fairly. 

To not fear or judge based on race. 

To not fear or judge based on wealth.

To address all of the public as an equal reflection of humanity.

That is as noble a goal as I can think of.

However the job seems to have been twisted and manipulated so that there are divisions with how the laws are applied to the wealthy, powerful, and white, versus the poor, the less educated and black. 

In many ways I don't believe this is the officer's fault but how we currently have their jobs set up as a society and how we care so little about the poor and their education.

The problems are complex but I'm confident we can come up with solutions to our problems rather than arguing with each other forever over things that don't matter at all.  (The freaking kneeling debate.)

What we should not do is pretend the problem doesn't exist.  Worse still, we shouldn't give up on fixing the problem.  We should try to make a better, more perfect world if possible and not settle on the one that we have. 

That we allow a segment of our population, based on nothing but the color of their skin to not feel cared for, to feel excluded, and not have the same opportunities as someone else, is shameful.

If we want this to stop, if we want this all to become a moment we can be proud of then start coming together and finding solutions to the problems rather than get lost in a sea of divisive rhetoric while our country crumbles.

Look at our country and how angry we all are.  Meme's about "libtards", and bitching about snowflakes as well as meme's about morons, pussy-grabbers, and racists.  We are so divided in our quest to get one over on the other side we stop paying attention to the real issues.  And all of a sudden we have more. 

Instead of fostering resentment towards one another think about how we can love one another.  Become at peace with one another, and stop the horrific behavior that has led to an America where the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and one's skin still defines one's odds to live a full life.

Las Vegas and The Gun Culture of America.

It's simpler than we make it out to be at times.

Stop the selling and increase the illegality and penalties of semi automatic weapons that can be made into what happened last night. 

If you want less mass gun deaths do something.

Otherwise be content, for this is normal in America today.

Yes it's sad. 

Yes it makes me angry. 

But when push comes to shove no one ever really addresses the gun industry or the how we currently handle gun laws in this Country.
 

Guns and weaponry are largely celebrated here in America.  They are thought of as a way to birth our freedom.  A way to exert dominance.  Some are taught that we need guns to defend ourselves.  That the best defense against a gun is another gun. 

I would argue that if someone jumps you with a gun that you are likely dead no matter what.  In fact whoever shoots first is almost certain to be alive longer than the person who has to react.  Hand guns and semi automatic weapons (that allegedly a 64 year old man easily turned into an automatic weapon) have enormous killing potential, typically greater due to the ease of which one can conceal hand weapons and the incredible rate of ballistic discharge and magazine depth of more militarized weapons.

If you want events like this to stop ask those elected officials to do something rather than just hoping.  Stop encouraging fear and gun ownership.  Start encouraging a closer and thoughtful regulation to weapons industry. 

And for the love of humanity stop being so scared of one another, angry at one another, that you feel motivated towards  violence.  Go for a run. Go be creative.  Go to work or to school and represent yourself to your best.  

I have no personal use for a firearm.  Zero.  However I'm sympathetic on some level to hunters who might be doing the environment a favor to curb certain populations and the usage of the meat and hide of wildlife.   I'm also sympathetic to those that might rely on CERTAIN weapons for personal defense because of their reasoned fear of their environment or circumstances.

I believe we can build restrictions while protecting those groups I sympathize with. 

That we can limit the public's access to deadly weapons while still leaving the public with viable defenses from intruders and low level criminality. 

If we really want events like Las Vegas or Sandy Hook or Columbine to ever truly stop or slow we need to actually do something about our access to the weapons that have the easiest and greatest capacity to harm.

IF you feel similar to me, do what I've done.  Share this with your elected officials in any way you can.  (I'm sending this to my Conservative Senators and I await any kind of thoughtful conversation on the issue.)  Speak to them.  Make your voices heard.  If not, stay silent, and let the death toll continue to climb.