An instinct for attention, a desire to be the subject of admiration, to be out in front. The idea of the Drum Major Instinct was first brought to me by a sermon I
saw posted from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. a few years ago. In that
sermon, Dr. King talks about the psychology of this instinct that drives
human nature for attention.
When Michael Jordan was drafted, I was just six months old. So I didn't
really have any preconceived notion of who he was before I came into consciousness, it just seemed like he had always existed.
I didn't understand sports at an early age. I mean, to be fair, I
didn't understand much of anything at age six. When Jordan won his
first Championship, I was still trying understand the basic rules of
recess during kindergarten.(which I often violated).
What I did see and hear from everyone around me was that Michael Jordan was not only the greatest athlete of today, but that he was the greatest we had ever seen. He was the closest thing to a living Superman that we had ever seen. Not only that, he was a self made star who came from humble beginnings. Someone who had failed earlier and made himself better.
I have never seen a man revered as a near deity the way I saw people look at Jordan in the 90's.
He achieved a career path that would become unparalleled, and in many ways represent an idealized American Dream. He was the son of two educated Black Americans during the middle of the Civil Rights movement of the 60's and 70's. His story of failure to make his high school varsity team only to make him train even harder and get better is used by coaches the world over.
He became an unbeatable champion. Able to out run and out jump everyone else. In many way, Michael Jordan was the American Dream that nearly all of America wanted for its children. It certainly felt like I was supposed to love him.
But I didn't.
I felt like I was being told I had to like this player. That I had to love him. To not love him was almost an American sin.
I couldn't accept that.
I knew Michael Jordan was an incredible and great player. That wasn't the issue for me. The issue was the near cult-like following of love he had attained that I simply could not understand. The fact that it seemed like everyone around me revered someone or something else.
My "Drum Major Instinct" was kicking in, in my own way. I wanted to stand out from the crowd of people who revered Jordan.
At first, it wasn't that I had any allusions that I could be better than Jordan. That seemed preposterous even for my small minded, yet growing ego. What did seem realistic was that there would be other great players worth rooting for. That there would be other players who would challenge for the throne of greatest players.
When Michael Jordan retired in '93, I was 9. Still far too young to really grasp what was going on in the world, I truly enjoyed every aspect of athletics. I could pour all my energy into just pretending I was somebody else. Pretending to be a superstar.
Enter Shawn Kemp.
Now, Shawn Kemp is no longer thought of as a Hall Of Fame type player. His career derailed by poor decisions by the front office, his agent/manager, and Kemp himself. But by the mid 90's he was an ascending star. When the Sonics lost to the Bulls in 6 games, it was Kemp who was the second best player on the floor. He looked like a player that might become an MVP candidate. While being guarded by a Hall Of Fame defender in Dennis Rodman, he averaged 23 points, 10 rebounds, 2 blocks, and a steal per game.
My friends and I would lower baskets artificially so we could dunk and I would always want to be Kemp. To me, he was becoming the icon that others saw Jordan as.
The Sonics lose in the Finals, they trade Kemp to Cleveland, and things are never quite the same.
This is when I switch from being a fan of the Sonics, who had traded away my favorite player, to being a Lakers fan, who had just aquired Shaquille O'Neal, and drafted a kid out of Philadelphia, PA named Kobe Bryant.
Now remember what I had been saying about the drum major instinct? That desire to be out in front? To be number one at something or root for the best thing? To attach yourself to something else that might be better than someone or something else?
Well now it's burning inside of me, because it feels like my team, almost my identity had lost a little bit of its shine. Jordan, a superhero to many, but a villain to me, had literally just vanquished one of my heroes and favorite players.
I needed a new one.
Now, I realize my resentment towards Jordan at this time is completely and totally made up in my mind. It had nothing to do with him personally, or even about his actual game. I understood that what made Jordan so good was that he had an incredible blend of skills to go with an incredible blend of athleticism. Even though I may have thought I hated Jordan, it would be intellectually dishonest of me if I didn't think his game wasn't the most effective for playing basketball.
It was my misguided use of this drum major instinct, a perversion of wanting to be first, wanting to be right, and a jealousy of the attention given to others let led me to the disliking of someone else for completely arbitrary reasons.
One might think that Dr. King would go on to attack this Drum Major Instinct. This idea that one wanted someone to go out with the intention of separating themselves to be the best is a bad thing. This desire to stand out in front is to be shunned and to be put away.
But that is not the lesson that Dr. King preaches.
Instead he asks that we should want to be great. We should want to be better than those that came before. We should encourage this instinct.
But we should make sure that the instinct is used correctly.
Be first in kindness.
Be first in moral excellence
Be first, be best at being a good human being.
That same instinct that made me resent Jordan, also made me get up for conditioning drills at 4.AM. The same one that drove me to studying through late nights to make my grades for college. The same one that drove me to work my way up to become a manager.
The same one driving me now to be the best person I can be to everyone I meet.
That same drive is the one that I now see in Michal Jordan.
He wasn't perfect, he knew that, he understood that. But he was driven to be the absolute best he could be at something that he loved.
And once you see that. When you see his passion and love for the game is actually identical to your own, it's an incredibly powerful feeling.
Wednesday, May 20, 2020
Tuesday, May 12, 2020
Why I Cried After Ahmaud Arbery's Death.
After Donald Trump got elected, I asked a friend and coworker of mine, who also happened to be Black and a vocal supporter of Trump, if he was truly happy with the outcome.
He said of course; he was ecstatic.
He had been working with the campaign as part of an internship and had goals of moving up the political ladder it seemed. I think he believed in the values of some conservative circles, but perhaps not all the things by what he thought were the fringes.
I don't doubt that he thought that he was doing the right thing.
But still, it ate at me. I knew there was a segment of America that was becoming increasingly agitated and emboldened to perpetrate violence against minorities.
You could see and feel it.
And for the first time in my life, it felt like I was living it.
I had noticed over the past few years, myself, that anytime I'm with my black friends the police look differently at our group. I've had more interactions with the police pulling me over for having a black friend in the car more so than I have for speeding.
There had been countless stories and videos of the police abusing black military veterans, black children, women, and the elderly.
This became a rallying cry of some in the police circles, that they were under attack, rather than admit any fault in their policing or handling of respective situations.
For me, I was taking note during the end of the Obama administration, that there were a very public string of deaths where unarmed black men were deemed threats by police and were killed, creating a very public outcry.
This is also when Colin Kaepernick famously took a knee to protest these killings.
This was America in 2016.
The sentiment and rhetoric being preached by Trump then, was that anyone who would dare protest against the police using the flag were terrible people. That they were the enemy. That those that spoke out against police brutality were in the wrong.
So after the election, I had to ask the question, and had to state my feelings.
Why support someone who makes it so clearly less safe for minorities to exist at all?
I told him that I knew people, including some relatives, that wouldn't hesitate to treat him as a threat, to treat him with suspicion, and who, if he showed up alone on their doorstep on a rainy evening, would likely threaten his life.
At the time, my friend suggested that it would be no different than what has always existed. That he could take care of himself and that he could deal with it.
I replied, "That might be great for you, but one of my best friends is also Black and lives in the South. I feel like right now, his life is in more danger because of this. That his life is now in jeopardy because some extremists feel the coming of Trump is the justification for treating minorities and the people that disagree with them as subhuman."
That was roughly 3 and a half years ago.
Ahmaud Arbery's death in Georgia is the fate that I was scared of, not only for my friend,but for every minority and every ally of a minority.
That you could be picked out due to your race and become a target, by either the police or by vigilantes, and be murdered.
That you could wind up dead, and because a state and police force is so saturated with corruption and racism, there wouldn't even be an investigation until the newspapers reporting on it essentially force one.
In North Carolina, the state my best friend lives in, a white mob was led by an off duty police officer looking for vigilante justice and was so akin to a modern day lynching it's mere mention turns my stomach with disgust.
I cried yesterday for the first time during this pandemic. I cried because I realized that just because I could see Ahmaud Arbery's death coming 3 years ago, I couldn't find the right words to stop it. I couldn't convince those around me that these tragedies were going to come. I couldn't get people to see the world the way I saw it.
I cried because I can't protect my friend from the hate that still exists in America, and no matter what I say, it seems like that hate won't go away.
I typically try to write something to help inspire and make people feel good and optimistic, but today I just wanted to share how painful it has been for me to watch so many stories of black people being killed, black people being oppressed and the way that it affects me.
I guess, if there is a positive, it is only that it strengthens my resolve to advocate for policies of peace, to advocate for systemic justice and government reform.
To continue to try and speak and inspire those to speak up against injustice and inequality.
To try and inspire us all to be more kind.
He said of course; he was ecstatic.
He had been working with the campaign as part of an internship and had goals of moving up the political ladder it seemed. I think he believed in the values of some conservative circles, but perhaps not all the things by what he thought were the fringes.
I don't doubt that he thought that he was doing the right thing.
But still, it ate at me. I knew there was a segment of America that was becoming increasingly agitated and emboldened to perpetrate violence against minorities.
You could see and feel it.
And for the first time in my life, it felt like I was living it.
I had noticed over the past few years, myself, that anytime I'm with my black friends the police look differently at our group. I've had more interactions with the police pulling me over for having a black friend in the car more so than I have for speeding.
There had been countless stories and videos of the police abusing black military veterans, black children, women, and the elderly.
This became a rallying cry of some in the police circles, that they were under attack, rather than admit any fault in their policing or handling of respective situations.
For me, I was taking note during the end of the Obama administration, that there were a very public string of deaths where unarmed black men were deemed threats by police and were killed, creating a very public outcry.
This is also when Colin Kaepernick famously took a knee to protest these killings.
This was America in 2016.
The sentiment and rhetoric being preached by Trump then, was that anyone who would dare protest against the police using the flag were terrible people. That they were the enemy. That those that spoke out against police brutality were in the wrong.
So after the election, I had to ask the question, and had to state my feelings.
Why support someone who makes it so clearly less safe for minorities to exist at all?
I told him that I knew people, including some relatives, that wouldn't hesitate to treat him as a threat, to treat him with suspicion, and who, if he showed up alone on their doorstep on a rainy evening, would likely threaten his life.
At the time, my friend suggested that it would be no different than what has always existed. That he could take care of himself and that he could deal with it.
I replied, "That might be great for you, but one of my best friends is also Black and lives in the South. I feel like right now, his life is in more danger because of this. That his life is now in jeopardy because some extremists feel the coming of Trump is the justification for treating minorities and the people that disagree with them as subhuman."
That was roughly 3 and a half years ago.
Ahmaud Arbery's death in Georgia is the fate that I was scared of, not only for my friend,but for every minority and every ally of a minority.
That you could be picked out due to your race and become a target, by either the police or by vigilantes, and be murdered.
That you could wind up dead, and because a state and police force is so saturated with corruption and racism, there wouldn't even be an investigation until the newspapers reporting on it essentially force one.
In North Carolina, the state my best friend lives in, a white mob was led by an off duty police officer looking for vigilante justice and was so akin to a modern day lynching it's mere mention turns my stomach with disgust.
I cried yesterday for the first time during this pandemic. I cried because I realized that just because I could see Ahmaud Arbery's death coming 3 years ago, I couldn't find the right words to stop it. I couldn't convince those around me that these tragedies were going to come. I couldn't get people to see the world the way I saw it.
I cried because I can't protect my friend from the hate that still exists in America, and no matter what I say, it seems like that hate won't go away.
I typically try to write something to help inspire and make people feel good and optimistic, but today I just wanted to share how painful it has been for me to watch so many stories of black people being killed, black people being oppressed and the way that it affects me.
I guess, if there is a positive, it is only that it strengthens my resolve to advocate for policies of peace, to advocate for systemic justice and government reform.
To continue to try and speak and inspire those to speak up against injustice and inequality.
To try and inspire us all to be more kind.
Saturday, May 2, 2020
Rebound
I'm a big believer in athletics and the lessons that can be taught metaphorically through physical activity.
Today I want to go over something that I am looking forward to, and I hope that my words might help others that might be a bit depressed to have a bit of optimism.
I want to talk about rebounding.
In athletic circles, rebounding is most associated with the gathering of a missed attempt. It is essentially who is going to be in position to take control while if, just for a moment, the game is up for grabs.
Rebounding is widely viewed as an essential indicator for successful play. The more opportunities you get, the more likely you are to succeed. It involves effort, skill, and an understanding of team positioning and space.
In my brief basketball career, I always had a knack for the rebound. Sure I was taller than most of my peers, but I also was taught early on by my Grandmother about what it really meant to go get the ball.
She was a shorter woman who had played in high school in a small town in Iowa, and one of the most important lessons she talked about was how even though she was small, she had every right to go get the ball. So whether it was diving on the court for a loose ball, or being physical and maybe putting a bit of an elbow in the bigger bully's back, you can go get what you want, no matter who you were.
For me, rebounding became about going to get something that I wanted. Early on, I didn't have any particular skills for dribbling or shooting, so my first few games the only thing I ever bothered with was rebounding. Get the rebound, pass to the kids who had been playing basketball a bit longer and let them shoot. Once my own skills caught up, I realized that if I rebounded the ball, I was able to start my own fast breaks and my skills as a runner and jumper would become more in play.
Now, I'm 36. I can't jump as high and rarely play. But every now and then, maybe at a pick up game in a park, I will get that urge to leap high into the air, pluck the ball and slap it, letting everyone know I can take control over the game.
Right now, the world over, we all need to have that rebound.
We need to channel our efforts into a collective movement that completely supports one another during these times, and that can take control over the future. We need a determined and obvious effort to make sure we take care of a real crisis and come out on the other side better for it.
For sure, some of the circumstances surrounding this rebound will be out of our control. Just like rebounding a missed shot, the carom is difficult to predict exactly. The spin of the ball and the exact trajectory of a shot mirrors the unknown trajectory of this novel coronavirus. The disease may come back. The government or employers may make mistakes. The exact movements will not be known.
That is why we must adhere to the most fundamental rule of rebounding. Positioning.
In a sport like basketball, for example, as soon as a shot goes up, both teams attempt to "box out" the other, physically pushing their bodies in-between an opponent and the ball to ensure better position. If you've ever watched an extremely competitive game, the aspect of rebounding is taken so seriously and physical that fights can often emerge from the scrums.
I believe we need to push to test for COVID-19 everywhere, and as often as possible, to put ourselves in the best position to succeed.
I want us to go back to doing the things we truly want to do.
I am depressed/anxious, and I'm not enjoying the life I'm currently forced to live during this pandemic.
However, I also don't want to die, or be the cause of a loved one's death.
The only way to reconcile this for me is a test. Proof that I don't have it OR that I've already had it and have an immunity. I also believe it is in the interest to all of us that this test is made free or as affordable as humanly possible given how essential it will be to our workforce.
If we put ourselves in that position, we can effectively box out the virus. We will put a test in-between the virus and our lives and begin to gain control over our health once again. We will have been able to secure our opportunity for a future.
Today I want to go over something that I am looking forward to, and I hope that my words might help others that might be a bit depressed to have a bit of optimism.
I want to talk about rebounding.
In athletic circles, rebounding is most associated with the gathering of a missed attempt. It is essentially who is going to be in position to take control while if, just for a moment, the game is up for grabs.
Rebounding is widely viewed as an essential indicator for successful play. The more opportunities you get, the more likely you are to succeed. It involves effort, skill, and an understanding of team positioning and space.
In my brief basketball career, I always had a knack for the rebound. Sure I was taller than most of my peers, but I also was taught early on by my Grandmother about what it really meant to go get the ball.
She was a shorter woman who had played in high school in a small town in Iowa, and one of the most important lessons she talked about was how even though she was small, she had every right to go get the ball. So whether it was diving on the court for a loose ball, or being physical and maybe putting a bit of an elbow in the bigger bully's back, you can go get what you want, no matter who you were.
For me, rebounding became about going to get something that I wanted. Early on, I didn't have any particular skills for dribbling or shooting, so my first few games the only thing I ever bothered with was rebounding. Get the rebound, pass to the kids who had been playing basketball a bit longer and let them shoot. Once my own skills caught up, I realized that if I rebounded the ball, I was able to start my own fast breaks and my skills as a runner and jumper would become more in play.
Now, I'm 36. I can't jump as high and rarely play. But every now and then, maybe at a pick up game in a park, I will get that urge to leap high into the air, pluck the ball and slap it, letting everyone know I can take control over the game.
Right now, the world over, we all need to have that rebound.
We need to channel our efforts into a collective movement that completely supports one another during these times, and that can take control over the future. We need a determined and obvious effort to make sure we take care of a real crisis and come out on the other side better for it.
For sure, some of the circumstances surrounding this rebound will be out of our control. Just like rebounding a missed shot, the carom is difficult to predict exactly. The spin of the ball and the exact trajectory of a shot mirrors the unknown trajectory of this novel coronavirus. The disease may come back. The government or employers may make mistakes. The exact movements will not be known.
That is why we must adhere to the most fundamental rule of rebounding. Positioning.
In a sport like basketball, for example, as soon as a shot goes up, both teams attempt to "box out" the other, physically pushing their bodies in-between an opponent and the ball to ensure better position. If you've ever watched an extremely competitive game, the aspect of rebounding is taken so seriously and physical that fights can often emerge from the scrums.
I believe we need to push to test for COVID-19 everywhere, and as often as possible, to put ourselves in the best position to succeed.
I want us to go back to doing the things we truly want to do.
I am depressed/anxious, and I'm not enjoying the life I'm currently forced to live during this pandemic.
However, I also don't want to die, or be the cause of a loved one's death.
The only way to reconcile this for me is a test. Proof that I don't have it OR that I've already had it and have an immunity. I also believe it is in the interest to all of us that this test is made free or as affordable as humanly possible given how essential it will be to our workforce.
If we put ourselves in that position, we can effectively box out the virus. We will put a test in-between the virus and our lives and begin to gain control over our health once again. We will have been able to secure our opportunity for a future.
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