Getting back in the habit. A moment to reflect on who I've been, and who I want to be.

Who are you going to be?

Who is the person that you see in the mirror and is it the person that you envision yourself to be when people ask who you are? 

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle said "We are what we do.  Excellence then is not an act but a habit."

I have tried to make my habits productive ones.  I have tried to exercise on a near daily basis.  I have tried to write at the same level.  I have tried to serve others in a positive way.  Indeed my profession in the hospitality industry demands that I look out for others first and to be as selfless as possible.

Over the past year I have found that it's been difficult to focus on those things as the world around me has changed dramatically.

It started with the election of Donald Trump as President.  A man whom I detest at the very core of my being.  A man who I believe to be beneath the office of President and simply looks out for his own well-being and has little interest in the plight of others.

Soon after his election, my grandmother died of cancer.  

The values that my grandmother instilled in me were the opposite of what Trump has stood for.

She cared about the environment, about giving and helping those less fortunate, and perhaps most importantly about treating all people with dignity and respect.

She ate healthy, was physically active and came from a line of genetics that suggested that she may live well into her 100's.

The fact that cancer came into her life and stole those remaining years came as such a shock to our family that I still don't know that we've reconciled with.

As time passed a sense of determination, and maybe even anger, started to take hold of me.  I did not want anything to do with those that embody the selfish virtues that were being espoused by Trump.  I found him and his ilk to be the antithesis of what my grandmother stood for.

At every turn I looked to stamp out the selfish impulses that I saw in my workplace and attempted to guide those who would look to satisfy their own wants and needs to think of others first.

But I found that my attempts to shed light on the self-centered actions of others was not well received.  Instead, I was now seen as a pariah, a holier than thou outcast that existed now on the outside of a culture rather than the core.

I have never been one that would conform to the outside pressures of the world.  I have always done what I thought was best at the time, even at times to my own detriment.  

I promised my grandmother that I would write everyday.  That I would read something everyday.  That I would do something physically active everyday.

As of now I have failed on those promises, and on some level I knew I was going to fail.  The idea of writing, reading, and working out all the time seemed doable, but as time passed it was far easier to watch Netflix and play games after work.  

I would become distracted by the news of the day that inevitably involved the leader of this country doing something else that I disagreed with.  Another mass shooting that seemed intrinsically sad because we continue to refuse to address gun violence; the continued bias against minorities by law enforcement.

It all continues to add up, and I had begun to feel as though my attempts to influence the world in a positive way had little impact.

It is time for me to get back to the person I was prior to the election of Trump.  Get back to the writing, the exercise, and an undaunted pursuit of excellence within my field.  

In many ways I've been headed back in that direction the past few months, writing and exercising with more regularity.  

I feel good, as though the future that I desire is right in front of me for the taking.

Socrates once said "The greatest way to live with honor is to be what we pretend to be."

I interpret that to mean to be the people that we say we are.  We all to some degree try to project an image of some sort.  However, as human as we are, we sometimes fail to achieve to "be" that image.

For me, I'm hoping that I can continue to take the steps necessary to be that man of excellence that habitually does the things that I want to do.

To me it starts with whatever the first thing you do in morning might be.  Did you start in motion or did it take you a while to warm up?  For myself, it seems better that I start my day with a chore, exercise, or something that get's me going that I really don't want to do. 

The more I procrastinate, the more stress I seem to create for myself.  Even if I begin the day with a light 10 minute's worth of stretching, I feel as though that helps get my body ready to move and remain active through the day.

When I write, like this article here, I need to be less critical of myself and trust that I have something interesting to say.  I have long lamented how many article's I've written and not submitted simply due to fear of how it might be received, or weakness in grammar or spelling. 

I need to trust that process and submit the work out there.  This process feels like the one I need to work on the most. 

Finally, I need to relax about when I don't do the right thing.  My habit's won't be perfect to start, and there are going to be times when the reality of the world might interfere with getting certain things done that I had set out to do. 

If I can do these things, I believe that I can get back to the version of myself that wasn't as concerned with the thing's that I can't control, and give me more control over the things that I can.