Going Over The Wall. Reach Out Across the Aisle This Holiday Season.

I like to think of myself more of a libertarian, and the idea of spending money to build a wall to keep people out is about as wasteful a way for our government to spend our tax dollars.  Spend them on schools, use them to help alleviate medical costs, use them to help train and educate our work force, or help veterans adapt to life after service, but don't use them to build walls that keep people out. 

As a Government shutdown looms, and a storied marine leaves his post over a disagreement with the Commander in Chief about the role of the military and their mission we should take a long moment to reflect about what our country is, what it should be, and how can we get closer to that ideal.

Most of us have chosen over the past few years to try and ignore that real divide when we sit at our tables.  Maybe we shall speak into an echo chamber, but when we know that on the other side sits an opposing view we clam up rather than try to come together.

I believe that America should be the home of the brave.  That we aren't scared about the outside world because at the heart of the idea of America is that are a welcoming Country, one that will take in the refugees of ANY country knowing full well that there are chances that people could act in a heinous way.  America should be a country that will not fear the outsiders, that will take in people from all countries and make it as easy as possible for all to live under the same roof.

This is what I believe America should be.  Land of the free, and the home of the brave. I think that all of mankind should be free to do as they wish, travel as they please, and not fear the wrath of an intolerant and controlling government. 

I've always felt the biggest reason for Americas greatness has been that we've been able to include such a diverse group of cultures and people who have been either displaced or have come to seek a better life for themselves. 

When 9/11 happened, I believe America began to act in perpetual fear about Terror and the outside world and has responded by placing and funding arbitrary projects in response to our fear.  We wasted trillions of dollars and sacrificed thousands of lives to "feel safer" in the Iraq War when in reality terror attacks have been mostly contained by the incredibly hard work of the CIA and FBI.  There have been far more acts of domestic violence and crimes rather than ones committed by people coming in from another Country.

Right now you were to bet on the next mass shooting, act of terrorism or act of almost ANY crime IN America, it is FAR more likely to be the product of someone who was born and raised in America.

Before we spend so much money exploiting people's fear of an outside or an unknown why don't we use Government correctly and honestly based on data and science?

We need to address as a community the differences between us, and honestly it should happen in person.  The internet and social space can be fun, and at times useful but at some level it cant be trusted more than a full human interaction. 

If we have differences of opinion it would be far more beneficial to speak to those differences in person.  Tone and non-verbal cues as well as the ability to speak in real time is the way to settle disputes, not the written word.

This coming Holiday we will see our families as Americas future is literally on the balance.  I would urge families to put their smart phones away and talk honestly about that future.

 

Try these questions. 

How should we spend our tax dollars?  Who do we respect as people to represent our beliefs?  Are we scared or less trustful of people who don't share your ethnicity, religion, geographical upbringing?

Rather than talk about how things are or the sins of the past, talk about how we would want them to be.  Focus on where we are similar.  I'm betting that on both sides of aisle legalized marijuana is an agreeable topic.  Cheaper, affordable healthcare.  Taking care of our schools and roads and limiting the use of our military to things that are pertinent.  Almost all of us desire peace.

If we are the country that aspires to truly be that place where all men and women are treated equal and fair, then we must be a country that accepts all people, no matter where they're from or what they believe, welcome them into our home, and talk to them without fear, and without hate.

Though I have disagreed myself from time to time on the internet with various friends and family, I love you all, just as I know deep down you all love me.  And that gives me all the confidence in the world to speak about the future of this great country.

That Time Penn State Played Alabama on a Snowy Night In Pittsburgh. The Case For Playoff Expansion.

It's all I can do to not yell at the television that the answer is so obvious that I don't understand why the concept hasn't been made reality yet, other than the current scenario without doubt favors the SEC and the South in general.

I still think the best option is get auto bids by power 5 Conferences with 3 At Large bids as well.

There is far more money in a playoff scenario.  That would bring your must watch games (minus alma maters) to 7.

This year might also have been the PERFECT year to do it.

My seeding would go as follows.

1. Alabama vs. 8.Washington
2. Clemson vs. 7. Georgia
3. Notre Dame vs. 6. UCF
4. Oklahoma vs. 5. Ohio State

1. Alabama vs. 8. Washington (Hypothetical Location: New Orleans)

In this scenario the very first game you get is the best team from the "best conference" vs an incredibly maligned yet still potent power 5 Conference Champion, who is in based on their autobid and seeded due to their low ranking among the polls.  Would Washington pull off this upset?  Probably not.  But I garuntee this game is better than Washington vs Ohio State, and with an opportunity to still play either Oklahoma or Ohio State, followed by a National championship against either Clemson, Notre Dame, against SEC rival Geogia or the biggest underdog to make it, UCF, the stories just get better.

2.Clemson vs 7. Georgia (Hypothetical Location: Phoenix)
 
Two percieved powerhouses go toe to toe.  Georgia is perceived by some in the south as maybe the second best team in football.  Even though they lost to LSU and Alabama, they are thought of by many as a very tough and physical team.  Clemson meanwhile hasn't played a particularly close game all year and looks every bit ready to prove that it belongs right with 'Bama and further from the rest of the pack


3. Notre Dame vs UCF (Hypothetical Location : Philadelphia)

The battle of No conference vs small conference champion.  This game has all the makings of everyone asking if the other team is real or not.  Right now, nobody really knows, and after this game that might still be the case.  If Notre Dame wins, they would play the winner of Clemson/Georgia and beat a "real team"  The same might also be true for UCF, but UCF as an extreme underdog and unlikely story is going to hold that nations attention for as long as it's in the playoff.  If they manage somehow, someway to beat Notre Dame, then beat or play competively with Clemson/Georgia it will continue to erode the bias of conference superiority. 


4.Oklahoma vs. 5. Ohio State (San Diego)

The two likely best teams outside of Clemson and Alabama get to prove whose better.  Similar to Clemson and Georgia, this puts two heavy weights together and we get to see who comes out on top.  There is bad blood with the histories of OSU beating Oklahoma 45-24 in 2016, only to lose to them a year later and have Baker Mayfield plant a flag in Columbus.  This year would be the ultimate rubber match.

Don't get me wrong, I think some of the current bowl games will be fun, but I think this is better.  The idea of underdogs winning,and proving perception to be wrong.  You have more of that drama in an expanded playoff than you do without it. 

This is my dream.  That there is an 8 game playoff with the first round having a regional home field advantage as much as possible.  I want Southern Teams to prove their metal in the elements of the north to prove they can adapt back to playing in excellent conditions and away from their indoor practice facility. 

The spots would be chosen ahead of time to allow the games and venues to properly prepare for the playoff event similar to how it works now, only the regions now include cold weather venues.

Say a magical season happens, and Penn State led by Micah Parsons, Ricky Slade and Tommy Stephens, plays it's way to a 1 seed undefeated and looking every bit a deserving of a top seed though they survived a few close games to say Ohio State and Michigan State.

Alabama is loaded and started as Pre-Season favorites, but they trip in a game at Texas A&M and lose a crushing, competitive championship game by 10 points to Florida who has already lost 2 twice; once to Florida State or Miami, and once to LSU.

When it's all said and done, the landscape could look something like this

1.Clemson 13-0 vs 8. Michigan 10-2 (At Large)  in SE US (Charlotte, Memphis, Atlanta, Miami, New Orleans, etc.

2. Penn State 13-0 vs. 7. Alabama 10-2 in NE (Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Cleveland, New York, Boston etc.

3. Oklahoma 12-1 vs. 6. Houston 12-0 (Houston, Dallas, Oklahoma City, Kansas City, Chicago, Denver)

4. Standford 12-1 vs 5. Florida 10-2 (Los Angeles, Phoenix, San Francisco, Seattle)

In this particular scenario, Pittsburgh, Pa would get to see Alabama play in the snow against the Blue and White in what could be potentially a real "White Out" scenario. 

To me this jumps off the charts with exciting match-ups and follow up match ups.  Let's say PSU wins and has to play Oklahoma, followed by Clemson?  If Clemson loses to Michigan, that means an underdog WILL come from the other side meaning Standford, Florida or Michigan could play for the title.  The story lines become so much better, than championship, far more earned.

What this does is create so much more interesting conversations and stories.  I also includes incentives for far more people to stay enthused about the game and their schools.

I understand that change is hard and slow.  Logistics of so many things need to get worked out, but the system as it currently stands is simply not up to par, and we as fans, as well as the participating schools deserve a more fair and inclusive system.

Here's hoping that at the end of this playoff contract, we expand and finally get it right. 

James Fanklin and Trace McSorley: The Fearlessness of Penn State Football.

Franklin's first two years seem so distant now don't they?  Do we really remember how difficult things were at the time?  We opened the season in 2015 with a loss to Temple and lost 4 straight to end the season.  Christian Hackenberg was a senior who was under pressure constantly and seemed to be a shell of the player that played the past two years.

There were many who felt Franklin had ruined Hackenberg's career and was going to ruin Penn State.

It seemed as though Penn State was at a bit of a crossroads, where our negativity about the future of the program, and specifically whether we could trust Franklin and his incoming choice for quarterback, a six foot, two hundred pound athlete that most other schools looked at as a potential safety.

Then in 2016, they lost to Pitt, they barely beat Temple, and they got throttled by Michigan, and it seemed like everyone wanted to blow it all up again.  There were a lot of fans who were filled with doubt and filled with anger.

Trace McSorely and James Franklin were not among those people.

They preached a message of positive reinforcement, that things were going to get better and that they were doing everything they could to put a winning effort on the field.

If you are a Penn State fan you probably remember Saquon Barkley winning the Minnesota game with an overtime touchdown, but you might forget the entire team effort that brought the team back from an early ten point deficit, and then later again, push themselves with under a minute to go to tie the game and force the overtime in the first place.

In that game, Trace McSorely accounted for 335 passing yards and 73 rushing yards and two touchdowns.

That would become the game that everyone pretty much agrees that things changed for Penn State.  It became part of the validation that the program was actually tracking upwards and that the work Franklin and his staff were putting in was going to bear fruit.

One of the first things I noticed about Trace was his decision making.  Early in his career, the offensive line struggled as injuries and depth became an issue for the unit.  However, Trace often successfully adapted by throwing the ball away rather than taking sacks, or making ill advised throws.

As the offense evolved over time, Trace then started making big plays down field with the help of other big time players and an increasingly talented and deep offensive line.

Signature wins against Ohio State, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Michigan State would ensue, and a sense of being completely back and potentially competing for a National Championship became a real possibility.

This year, has been without a doubt a difficult year at times for the Nittany Lions, with close losses to Ohio State and Michigan State at home and a blowout loss on the road to Michigan.  For the second year in a row, goals of playing for a National Championship were dashed in the middle of the year, allowing for finger-pointing and self-pity in a fan base that is as passionate as they come.

With lesser leadership, perhaps that would allow for a disappointing end to the year, one in which the team might not show up to defeat teams such as Wisconsin or Maryland.

Instead in both cases the team responded with great efforts, cementing a nine win season with the opportunity to win at least ten games for the third consecutive year.  Instead the team responded to the leadership and came away looking like a team that absolutely has the talent and confidence to continue their climb back into the national conscience.

The two things that I like about Trace McSorley are his willingness to run, and his willingness to throw the ball deep.

Those are the plays that show a lack of cowardice, and a confidence in his teammates as well as himself.  The risks are obvious, that deep throws are, by nature, a bit more prone to fall incomplete or intercepted than shorter throws.  Scrambling runs open himself up to contact and injuries.

Yet McSorley routinely ran and threw and did everything he possibly could do to help his team win games.  In his final contest in Beaver Stadium, McSorley did the same.  Throwing for 230 yards and running another 64.  The game wasn't close but his play style was exactly the same as the coach that recruited and trusted him against Minnesota two years ago.

Fearless.

Thank You, Stan Lee.

I clenched my hands, summoning energy from the sun, growing more and more powerful by the second.  My enemies had me surrounded, but they didn't know that they were about to be engulfed in a huge storm of psionic energy that would tear them apart.

"I said...GET BACK!"

I throw my hands up to the sky, releasing a wave of solar gathered power all across my backyard, destroying the robots who had come to lock me up, for fear that I was not safe, and that my abilities needed to be suppressed.

Of course all of this was imagined; just a chance to go outside and pretend that I was one of the heroes I found in another Marvel comic book.

On Monday, Stan Lee, one of the greatest creative minds of the past 50 years passed away.  Scrolling through social media as well as National Headlines, it becomes clear that the characters that he helped to create have left a colossal imprint on the psyche of America.

While in the DC universe Superman and Batman may be the most recognizable Super-Heroes of all-time, I fell in love with the creations of Spider-Man, The Hulk, and then finally the X-Men.

To me it was the X-Men cartoon that really made me fall in love with this fantasy universe.  I had always enjoyed the idea of fantastical heroes, but something about the X-Men drew me in more than the rest, and I think that something was in how they were made.

I was different from most kids due to my relative size.  I was bigger than most and that made me an outcast at times.  I wanted to fit in, but on some level it always felt like someone would point out something that made me different, that made me not like the rest of the group.

I think that's why so many kids enjoyed those comics, that they always saw a little bit of themselves in the actual build of the characters.  They also saw those characters then battle adversity and eventually succeed.

For most people who are left out of the mainstream, that was a big message.  That even though some people may not like you because you're different, that doesn't stop you from doing the right thing and becoming successful at your own right.

Growing up can be hard at times, but I'll always have Stan Lee to thank for making my life a little easier.

High Expectations On A Rainy Day. Why I'm Looking Forward To Tomorrow's PSU vs. Wisconsin Game

The rain poured down this Friday morning like cold shrapnel, taking the last of the leaves off the tree in my backyard.  It was forming a bit of ice and slush on the porch and on my windshield.  The skies are grey and the level of optimism for the weekend seems to be plummeting with the temperature. 

This Saturday the weather will be in the 30's, cold and wet.  There will be little to no sunshine, and the football team that so many in the area enjoy rooting for has been struggling for over a month since they lost to Ohio State.

Yet all I can think about is how this is another opportunity football team, and it's fans and alumni to prove themselves.  To show up and support one another through another difficult climb.

Will we have enough love for each other that we still want to celebrate?  That we still want to cheer on those athlete's that give it their all for one another and for those who came before them?

I will be attending tomorrow's game against Wisconsin, my first game since the Ohio State loss.  I plan to eat some cheese, and maybe even have a glass of wine or two, and spend some time with friends and family talking about Penn State football, pop culture, and whatever else we want to celebrate. 

A part of me can't wait to show up tomorrow.  I can't wait to show my support for a team that has struggled through this season.  Because I believe we need each other now more than ever.

For the past seven years this community has been healing and bonding, and we have achieved things far faster than anyone expected.  We took the adversity the world had thrown our way and responded by doing the right things day in and day out. 

I couldn't have been happier as two coaches helped push Penn State out of the mire and a positive attitude and an incredible zeal for doing things the right way kept the school and it's alumni together.  Even in the losses and the struggles, you could see that the effort, passion, and exuberance to play for the sake of the game, for the sake of each other was still there.

I believe that tomorrow we will see exactly what type of team we will have to finish this season. 

I do not expect a sell out crowd, I do not expect good weather, and I don't expect Penn State to play anywhere close to a perfect game.

But I do expect us to bring energy and enthusiasm to that stadium tomorrow.  I expect that the fans that show to be loud and passionate just as I expect the players to do the same.  I expect that we don't turn on one another, to point fingers at players and coaches and to instead pick each other up and encourage for the next play.

Penn State football will always be more than wins and losses.  It will always be more than the size of the crowd.  Penn State football, and Penn State athletics in general is about the pursuit of greatness in the face of adversity.  It's about beating odds and not worrying about the weather.  It's about being a great person as well as a competitor. 

It's about doing the things that make each other and ourselves happy.

Tomorrow, win or lose, bad weather and all, I expect that I will leave with a smile on my face.

 

Our First Halloween.

The child looked in my direction with a look of absolute dread.  He had stopped flatfooted, his eyes staring with wide eyed trepidation as to what he was about to encounter.  I smiled behind my mask.

Ever since the purchase of our new home, Halloween was a date that my wife and I knew we wanted to be a part of.  The dressing up and pretending to be things that were mystical and fantastic, beautiful and horrifying.  The days of yesteryear and the present mixing up as vampires, wizards and pirates go door to door with comic book and movie characters. 

It is also a day where friends and families increase their bond. 

I remember Halloween very fondly, where I would go door to door with my best friend Billy, and our parents would drive us from neighborhood to neighborhood so that we could get as much candy as we could.  To us, it was an adventure, to briefly pretend we were something else and to get as much sugar as possible.

Looking back now it seems like we must have gathered literally pounds of it by the time we got home. Our bags full of bite size bits like tootsie pops, gummy bears, various chocolate bars, licorice and more.  It was always exciting to see the newer candies become introduced and to enjoy the latest concoctions from Nestle, Hershey and Mars.

This is a time to create memories that seem to last a lifetime.

So needless to say, I wanted to make an impression.

As we went through the stores looking for decorations, the first thing that came to mind was a fog machine. 

To me, the holiday screams for a mist that shrouds the night further in the shadows, where tricks of the light can help create an atmosphere that's frightening despite the real knowledge that at the end of the day it's all an illusion to get some treats.  The fog machine, I felt, would help add a lot of depth to the occasion.

My first decoration, Bert, the fancy skeleton.

I settled, without much reading, on getting a smaller model I thought would do the trick, as well as a few various light up decorations for general decor.

Oh, and a semi-lame, semi-cool skeleton that shakes its cage as a motion sensor is triggered.  Very cool during the holiday, very annoying if you forget to turn it off after demonstrations to your friends or family.

Decorations in tow, my wife and I begin the set-up.  Lights and cobwebs begin to adorn our front porch, followed quickly by plastic spiders and other various creepy crawlies.  While putting some near the window sill, I notice a real, rather large brown spider run back behind the opened window shutter.  It makes me a bit nervous that I've set him up with more cobwebs to potentially drop from. 

One sheet of cobweb can go a long way.

After some yellow and black warning tape is finally applied, my wife and I are pleased with the set up and anxiously await the 31st.  The house, we believe, will be a success.  I did however fail to test the fog machine, an error I would later regret.

As the day arrives I fill with both excitement and dread alike.  Will everything go as planned?  Will it be as enjoyable as I had hoped?  Was I making too big of a deal about this?  I finally test out the fog machine and am severely underwhelmed.

The machine sputters out just a few sprays before needing to go into a cool down mode.  On top of which, the fog almost immediately dissipates in the open air.  The machine I had gotten was designed as an indoor only model, best used for one room.  A fact that was lost on me at the time of purchase.

I try to think of another way to utilize the fog machine, settling for running the machine inside to obscure the house as the kids would open the door to get the candy.  It still kind of worked, but it also resulted in fog escaping through small vents near the roof and looking like our house was actually on fire.

As a bit of good news, my wife was extremely thankful that a neighbor noticed and came by to make sure everything was OK.

The final touch is a blue tooth speaker playing a "Spooky" playlist off of Spotify.  It adds another festive touch to an already festive scene.

With the night about to begin, I decided that I would not try to scare the kids by jumping out of bushes or anything, but rather take a more subtle approach my just putting my mask on and watching the kids come by.

Patiently Waiting..

For the most part, it was an exercise in extreme patience.  The rain had begun to trickle down and certainly played a factor in how many were willing to brave the streets and for how long.  After about 40 minutes, I had still not been noticed by any trick-or-treater's. But then, finally, he saw me.

The boy looked to be maybe in the second grade, no more than 8 or 9 years old.  An age where you still believe that rabid panda in the window might not be exactly what it seems.  The glow of the soft orange lights and red mesh eyes made it difficult see, but even I could see a look of terrified apprehension. 

Then, my excitement faded, as I had gone too far, and the kid and his parents turned around.

"Allie, go tell them we're here, and to get a bag of chips; they're going away."

My wife volunteered to be the one to actually give out our treats, and with a background in child care she deftly handled the situation, giving the child an extra bag of chips for "finding the panda."

After two hours and roughly 50 guests later, the night is over.   I think about the night in its entirety and I'm pretty happy with how the day went.  I felt that we did a good job of making the night memorable, that years later, the people that visited our house will think about it as a positive experience and one that they might pass on to others.

The finished products.

The Home Of The Brave.

The leaves are no longer a dark green, but seemingly a sun touched yellow that gives the illusion that it is permanently day break outside.

The houses becoming adorned with various gourds and the obligatory carved pumpkins.

The local stores have begun to put out their Christmas decorations in an effort to get people in the spirit to spend, spend, spend.

In grocery stores and coffee shops, cinnamon spiced treats, seasonal beers, and the newest variations of pumpkin spiced lattes get introduced.

The chatter changes from what you did on vacation, to where will you be for the holidays in November and December.

It seems almost like your standard fall in good ol' US of A.

Except this year also involves the mid-term elections.  One of the true opportunities the citizenry of the country has to actually change how the government operates.

In front lawns and rear bumpers, the names of political candidates are plastered about, letting other people know who they support.

For the past few months I've done my best to stay out of politics and talk and type about other things.  Things that I can actually affect.  I can't vote out people in July or September.  But come this November that can change.

The America that I believe in is one that believes in easy immigration, one that risks the outsider coming to this country because no matter where you were born, you are welcome here.  That you can live in peace here, no matter what religion you practice, if you practice at all. 

If a caravan of immigrants is coming to America in search of a better life, to seek asylum, to seek peace, we should be welcoming and doing all that we can to help those that are so desperate that they would risk death to come here and find peace.

If we hold true to the idea that all are created equal, and that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are true inalienable rights, then we must be a country that makes it easy to come to and become a citizen. 

Hostilities and fear directed at the outsider coming to America is not unusual, but that doesn't make it good.  The far better model is one of inclusion, that takes the incoming assets and makes use of them in a way that is better for everyone. 

I understand that taking care of others and helping them assimilate can be difficult, but those are the values of America.  To give people a sense of freedom and liberty as opposed to the places they are from.

We need not be a fearful country, that we may let people from all religions and origins congregate under one roof and not fear that one will act against the other, for the American belief should be that all are free, and all are welcome here. 

Sadly over the past few years we have seen that not to be the case.  Hate crimes and tension are clearly on the rise including the recent attacks in Pittsburgh, as well as the bomb attempts made against the President's self-declared "Enemies of the People."

Some talk about Jews, Blacks, the uneducated, Christians, Muslims, Whites as though they are all different species and outsiders rather than a kindred human spirit. 

It is this culture that I choose to vocalize against. 

There are others that will care more about the economy.  Perhaps you care about guns, or gay rights, or how we allocate our taxes, and those are all worthwhile discussions.

But at the very core of America, we need to decide if we will continue in the spirit of equality and freedom, or if we will be restricting and controlling this country, with the use of force, who is free and who is not.

There is a large group of people who want to come to America, that have heard stories about how it doesn't matter where you're from, who your parents were, or what you believe.  That America is a country that will welcome you if you are willing to help one another and not trespass against another person's rights. 

I for one do not care where people are from because to me, you are a human being first and as such, you deserve to be respected and treated as my equal, as a brother or sister. 

As Tuesday approaches, think about the world we live in today and think about what the right response is when a stranger approaches you for help.  Will you help that stranger, or will you turn your back out of fear or anger?

If America is truly a land of the brave then we will not fear the immigrants and outsiders that come to our doorstep.  We welcome them.

Preparing For A Change In Season.

The chills settle in quickly, as though they had been there all along, just waiting for the sun to finally, gently settle in the distance. 

At first the cool air breezes into the bedroom nights comfortably, almost soothingly.  The colors of leaves turning and falling, seems like a slow motion ballet of the universe, where we bear witness to another change of the season.

Then a rainy day comes and goes and you're able to see the leaves change.  The sun remains out but no longer carries the weight that it did in August and September.

As time passes a growing sense of anticipation of what comes next begins to settle upon the consciousness.

It sends a reminder to the soul that slight chills will become an outright cold.  That the need for warmth and heat will become paramount.  That the days will become filled with less sun, and more of a bitterly dark sky.

The pessimist in me, the depression in me, it all gives off a sense of dread that I know that I'll have to combat.

I think the best way to do that is to find the sunshine in the snow and to rely on the relationships of friends and family.  That despite the oncoming weather and grey skies, try and find the beauty and positive in it rather than focusing on the obvious negatives, and share your positive feeling with those close to you.

For example, while over the next week the weather calls for 50 degrees, clouds and off and on rain, my wife and I will be shopping for our first Halloween house decorating experience. 

This may sound small for you, but to us it's a big deal.  It will be our first opportunity to show our neighbors a bit of our own personality.  We want to be known as a great family-friendly place in our community and to enjoy the experience the same way we did when we were children. 

I have no idea what the costs of things will be, what ideas I can or can't execute.  I'm going through the process a bit blind.  For this reason it kind of excites me, that this can be its own little adventure to write and share.  How many skeletons will be in my yard?  Do we have power outlets to give off creepy lights, sounds or fog?  Will I go super adult and play a live part and try to jump out to scare the kids?

Later there will be Thanksgiving, Christmas, and I'm sure some birthdays to celebrate. The point being there will be opportunities to enjoy life despite the dropping temperatures.

The earth can be an unforgiving force sometimes.  The weather will undoubtedly have an affect on not only myself, but many others.  However it's important to recognize that there are things we can do about it to help ourselves through it, and when it gets cold, we have the options to become close to others and share in the warmth.

Why Saquon Barkley Was A Better Pick Than A Quarterback.

Saquon Barkley does not need me to write this article to validate him. 

He is, without question, already one of the most exciting players to watch, routinely making the national highlight reels game after game with plays that defy the imagination. 

While scoring two touchdowns, overlooked was a 30 yard run where he made two defender miss, explodes through two, would be, tacklers, before finally being tackled by 3 defenders.

He is leaping over linemen, juking linebackers and overpowering secondaries. 

He does not, however, play the most important position in football.  He does not play quarterback.

The question in the 2018 draft became what quarterback should go first?  The gamer in Baker Mayfield?  The groomed product in Sam Darnold?  The athlete in Josh Allen?  Maybe the prodigy in Josh Rosen.

Much of the talk surrounding the draft and post draft has been about whether or not Saquon Barkley will end up being a better pick than those quarterbacks, and really, if he's better than all of them. 

After watching the Giants first few games it has become clear to me that Eli Manning is on his last legs and that the offensive line is still a work in progress.  They have started 1-4 and in all likelihood will miss the playoffs. 

But I think they're turnaround will be right around the corner, especially when you look out west at the LA Rams as well as the Kansas City Chiefs. 

Those two teams are currently dominating the league thanks to a two pronged plan that balances a running and passing attack. 

Both have dominant young running backs AND quarterbacks.

I believe that Saquon is the best running back in the league, that if he played on a team with a dominant or balanced team, that there would be no disputing his talent.

If the Giants get their young quarterback next year, I believe they will be just one or two years from becoming a dominant force in the league for years to come.

I believe that right now the new crop of quarterbacks entering the league are far better than the ones exiting, and you are just as likely to get a franchise QB in next year's draft as you were in this one. 

For arguments sake, let's say the Giants miraculously turn around their season. There are at least six quarterbacks that potentially could be drafted in the first round.  Just like last year, it's still a bit of a crap shoot as to who will have the best career.

If the Giants finish with one of the six worst records in the NFL, then there is an incredibly high chance that they could draft a "Franchise" quarterback next year.  However there is not another Saquon Barkley.  There really isn't anything close.  His combination of size, speed, agility, hands and intangibles hasn't been seen in the NFL for some time.  Some have compared him to LaDainian Tomlinson and Barry Sanders. 

I acknowledge that quarterback is a more important position than running back, but I think it's also important to acknowledge that the position is far harder to grade than running back.  The closest thing there was to a first round pick was Peyton Manning and even in that draft some analysts thought Ryan Leaf was close to being better.

While players like Carson Wentz and Jarrod Goff look like MVP's over the past two years, neither looked good during their rookie campaigns. They were, at the very least, inconsistent.

My point being that QB's are as big a risk as ever in the first round and that you are just as likely if not more so to draft a dud in that first spot as you were to hit it big in the late first to early second rounds.

Nothing was closer to a sure thing than Saquon Barkley.  Time will tell whether or not he captures the Hall Of Fame career that many envision for him, but he's far closer to a sure thing than any of the quarterbacks that have been drafted over the past 4 years.

Documentary Review: Overturning Roe Vs. Wade

There is probably no more important documentary to watch right now. 

The story begins in a present day courthouse.  A woman is arguing vehemently about what motherhood has meant for her.  How beautiful the experience was for her, how incredible it made her feel. 

Here in the Texas House of representatives, it seems like the woman, will side with the men who hate the idea of abortions based specifically on religious grounds, and a graphic rhetoric for some late term abortions.

However in a turn of events, despite her strong feelings on motherhood, she insists that she does not believe that her situation needs to be the same as every other woman's. 

From there, the documentary takes off and takes us down the rabbit hole of the most divisive, and least spoken about issue today.

Historians, religious leaders, activists from both sides, and everyday people tell their versions of a law that is most certainly in jeopardy, that according to economists, may have helped solve the crime epidemic of the 1990's.


Incredibly profound observations from the feminist movement in the seventies.

It talks about how in the early stages of the issue, that Republicans thought that the Government had no vested interest in telling a woman what to do with their pregnancy.  They go on to explain as to why their politics would go on to change.

After about an hour we get to the essential argument of Roe Vs. Wade. 

While it gets to the crux of the argument it becomes clear as to why a conservative court would have a 7-2 decision in favor of legalizing abortion.  It is argued that the state should be interfering less in people's lives, that the state has no interest in controlling the population.

From there the story changes to the perspective of the religious right, it shows the anger of some people who became so filled with rage that they would go on to commit heinous crimes.

The story can be extremely personal, as a woman talks about caring a fetus to term that was going to be born without arms and legs, to the graphic imagery and language of "partial-birth"abortions, but through it all it manages to keep a professionalism through the story to tell it as objectively as possible.

The story comes together fully, with amazing footage and interviews that come across as unabashedly honest.  It tells as whole a story as you could hope for in a little over an hour and thirty minutes.

If you want to understand the issue of why the Supreme Court is so important today, please do yourself a favor and watch this film.

The Last Mistake Gets Remembered Loudest. Why We As Penn State Fans Need To Move On

Two minutes were left in the game that until this point had been one of the best games I had ever seen in person.  Both teams left everything out on the field.  The home team underdog was seemingly buoyed by one the loudest, most energetic crowds in the history of sports.  As Penn State came to the line of scrimmage, Ohio State calls a timeout, followed by Penn State calling one.

Then it happens so suddenly.  It's a draw play, Sanders gets tackled in the backfield, and all of a sudden this incredible game is over, and Penn State has lost.

The pain that every player, fan, and coach felt at that moment was real and identical.  That we felt like we had made just enough plays and that it was unfair. 

That we deserved to win that game. 
The last play, for it not to be in the hands of a player who, to this point, was the biggest reason for our offensive success, left everyone wanting more.  It felt wrong.

That last moment feels incredibly more important than all the others because it happens last, and for that reason it becomes overly magnified as the sole reason for a win or a loss.  There is no guarantee that if Penn State gets a first down, that in the next few plays they will win the game.  The likelihood obviously goes up, but again, a kick could be missed, or blocked, or a turnover such as a fumble or interception could still occur. 

This is a case of recency bias and it's important to acknowledge that while on its own, the call and outcome was far from what was desired, it was also just one part of a game that had several important plays go in the other direction.

No one has brought up the drop on the out pattern on a crucial third down, or the fumble at the end of the first half, or a missed field goal.  Or the overthrows, or sacks.  The plays that also contributed heavily towards the result. 

The missed tackles in the open field, the inability to consistently stop the run, getting gashed late into the game.

It all counts.

You almost can't remember the positives.  The one handed grab, the 50 yard scramble.  The stop on 4th down.  The interception.  The way the team prayed for their fallen teammate and celebrated together as they scored one last time in the fourth quarter, seeming to have gotten up enough to relax just a little bit.

It all played a role in what was really a very close back and forth game.

But we still seem to focus on that bitter, bitter end. 

It has probably, miraculously, made you forget about a well intentioned, but horrible, half-time show that had the Penn State theater group attempt to use microphones to add a vocal component to the blue band.  It didn't work.

I bring this up because I don't want to lose sight of the positives that have taken us this far.  I truly believe that this community's sports programs have done so well the last few years because of how we encourage one another, and we don't allow the negative energy of a loss, even one as devastatingly hurtful as Ohio State, bring us down.

That anger and divisiveness that stems from the frustrations of not winning two years in a row by a total of two points.  That feeling of wanting to assign blame for your frustrations.  It can be a feeling that can tear weaker teams apart. 

In this community for the past seven or so years, we have always responded with more positive emotions rather than bad ones.  We trust each other a little more instead of a little less.  We help each other a little more rather than a little less.  To make it blunt, at the times when we could say "We no longer care about this person or that thing because we don't like something" we instead choose an attitude that says "Let's get better, let's help one another."

Undoubtedly, I was not a fan of the last play call either.  But I refuse to let that moment of disappointment define how I feel about the players or the coaching staff that has time and time again brought the best out of each other and the community. 

Instead, it's time to move on to seeing what the team can do against Michigan State, and how we as fans get to look forward to an early October homecoming weekend.

In The City of Brotherly Love, My Little Sister Gets Married.

9/14/18

As we arrived in downtown Philadelphia, my mind was focusing on the cramps in my foot.  I didn't think I was particularly dehydrated or tense, but suddenly as brake lights lit up and the echoes of engines filled the tunnel, my deliberate jab in my right foot turned into a prolonged stretch.

I couldn't tell my wife, who sat by my side, anything of my predicament due to the fact that I knew this would cause rise in her already visible anxiety; her jaw locked into a vision that screamed of cautious tension.

Thankfully the traffic was manageable, even if a bit slow at times, and we arrived at the valet area of the hotel. 

This being the first time being valeted, I was a bit unsure of how everything was to go. I handed the gentleman my keys and they loaded all of our bags onto the luggage cart.  My wife was quick to note that they were all Jess Simpson bags, a fashion brand and celebrity that she adores more than what doctors might say is a healthy amount.

The view from the 1106

As we walked into the elevator hallway and check-in station, it became apparent that this hotel was, quite simply, one of the best in the heart of Philadelphia.  It would also become clear that if we touched anything in the mini-bar fridge it was going to cost us at least 20 bucks.  The silver and black marbled walls gave the impression that this would be someplace to stay if you were a somebody, and not for the budget conscious.

The weekend had finally arrived where my little sister, Sarah, would be getting married. 

My sister, who came into the world 4 years after me, has always been someone that I've been taught to and had an instinct to protect.  From an early age it became clear that she had a bit of a sense of adventure, a willingness to challenge others, and an independent streak that led her to do things that might agitate others.

As we grew older, we had a bit of a small sibling rivalry.  I was an introvert, who loved to stay at home when I wasn't participating in sports.  I loved video games, books, movies and anything that took me away from my immediate reality.  My sister on the other hand, loved to explore the world and make it her own.  She rode horses, excelled in school, and enjoyed socializing and meeting people.

To me, Sarah was overly conscious of people's perceptions of her and how people might perceive me.  Where as, I cared about comfort in my clothing, baggy pants and shirts that allowed me to move that may have been less flattering; she would look for brands and styles that complimented her.

I remember playing catch with her when I was maybe a junior or senior, and she was playing softball. The two of us were throwing the ball, gradually harder and harder until we lost control of our respective accuracy and had to start chasing the ball, rather than fielding laser shots into our hands.

We were in many ways very different personalities. 

However we also recognize that in some ways we are exactly the same.

We were raised by the same family.  Not just our mother and father, but aunts, uncles and grandparents.  Our cousins were the same.  So we, on some level, were shaped by the same culture.  We both value laughter and jokes.  I'd say that on the whole, we have the same sort of humor that goes between high and low brows. 

We both understand our parents, perhaps as well as they understand themselves, and look out for both of them whenever we can.

But back to the Wedding Weekend.

After arriving and checking out the view from our 11th floor room at the Loews Hotel, my dad invited us to go to a little place called Moriarty's, which in addition to having my grandmother's maiden name, was also an Irish pub known for its buffalo style wings that were served with the drum and flat pieces attached.  While my dad thought they might be ranked as one of the top wings in the Country (they do appear on Thrillist.com), I thought they were a solid buffalo wing but nothing crazy.  My wife, however loved their cheesesteak egg roll, and they had a good variety of draft beers.  It was a great way to get cozy in a city th
is large by getting some of the simple things.

Wings and beer are a good start

After that we walked back to the hotel, put on our semi-formal clothes for the rehearsal dinner that would be happening at the Front Street Cafe in the Fishtown neighborhood of Philadelphia.  As we contacted our respective Ubers we became aware that my sister's Uber had actually hit a cyclist and they might be a little late.  This immodestly reminded me of my last Uber experience in the city when a man driving with an oversized cowboy hat and one arm barely got my friends and I to a Red Hot Chili Pepper concert in one piece.  Thankfully, as in my case, it seemed no one was seriously injured and Sarah and her fiance Ryan were OK and arrived maybe ten minutes after we did. 

Speaking of music, my memory became jogged as I found out that the cafe was literally across the street from Kung-Fu Necktie, a little bar known for live music and where on of my own best friends/ groomsman from my wedding saw a live G-Eazy show before he became the major artist that he is today. 

From there we drank exotic cocktails like maple whiskey sours, ja

The soon to be married couple

lapeno margaritas, and an assortment of craft beers.

As more and more people came through, I recognized some of the bridal party, but for the most part, stayed back with my wife trying to let the party, on some level, come to me and to enjoy everything going on.

As we eventually sat for dinner, Ryan, my sisters soon to be husband made a toast to family, for that is what the event was all about.  He talked about how he was nervous to meet our family, because if we were anything like Sarah, we might be a bunch of high energy, meticulous go-getters that wouldn't allow him to relax.  I especially enjoyed the misconception of myself, a former Penn State football player being a meathead, which to my knowledge, I am not. 

And so the night played on and eventually we Ubered back to the hotel, went to bed, and looked forward to the next day.  The wedding day.


9/15/18

I didn't want to mess anything up.  I wanted the day to go perfectly, fully aware that was impossible.  As someone who got married two years ago, and as someone who is aware that the real world is so full of variables that it is nearly impossible to bend the world to your will.

We started the day early heading to what might be the best breakfast place that I have ever been to, outdoing even the famed Waffle Shop, called Green Eggs Cafe. All of the options on the menu seemed appetizing to me, from their Pumpkin Spiced Bombon,  the six different ways to have eggs Benedict (the short-rib version really had my attention), as well as creme brulee and cookie dough stuffed versions of french toast.

I settled on the "The Kitchen Sink", which involved three scrambled eggs, Gruyere cheese, a pork sausage gravy poured on top of peppers, potatoes and sausage.  Needless to say it was filling and full of comfort food flavor. 

A very delicious skillet

From there we thought we'd walk over to a few different shops, milling about before we got the bridal parties' lunch catered by a local deli and bakery.  Through it all it got me to thinking about what it means for me as a big brother, to see Sarah in this light, as someone who has found someone else to trust so absolutely and to help her through the rest of her life, as well as someone she would be willing to do the same for.

As we walked, I took in the old and the new of the city.  Philadelphia is one our country's oldest cities, was at a time its largest, and for a time it was the Capitol of America.  It is without question one of America's greatest cities in terms of historical narrative, culture, and economic impact.  It is not without flaws.  As with many densely populated areas there are defects, flaws within the metropolis that are just as evident as its beauty.

It occurred to me that my little sister getting married at this moment was in someways a reflection of those aspects.  She had grown so much from when we were little, from being a curious, independent girl to a complex, strident and confidant woman.  Like the city that has flourished through the perils of the world, so has she.

I always have spoken highly of my sister whenever anyone asks me about her.  I speak of her will, her ability to exist in fast paced, demanding environments.  Her unflinching, and sometimes unbearably blunt ability to speak honestly.  That she aspires to continue to grow and become a better person in whichever way she is able.

It filled me with pride. 

Here she was about to go forward with her life one more time and take a chance, and I was thrilled to be a part of it.

Sarah had asked that I look the part and get myself a custom suit so that I looked good and fit in to what was sure to be a beautiful wedding.  The buses would be late and we waited down in the lobby catching cocktails and drinks as we waited for our ride.  It was a nice opportunity to practice my Mad Men look and drink something brown on the rocks, trying to pretend for the day that I was somebody of immense importance. 

We looked the part!

I have to say the suit looked great, and I was happy to feature "Philly Special" embroidered on the inside of the jacket.  While I'm certainly more comfortable in simple clothes and t-shirts, there is something to looking your best for the day so that you can catch the eye of somebody else, (in my case, my own wife who looked beautiful in her blush colored dress.). 

As we got off the bus, they began asking for me right away as I was to be given instructions regarding my reading during the ceremony.  It was obvious the planners and everyone on staff were on top of their games.  The small classical band on the side was playing some low key numbers as we took our seats in one of the oldest gardens along the east coast. 

The ceremony was beautiful, and I remember that I just kept smiling, that I couldn't be happier except for my own wedding day.  As I watched them read their vows I couldn't help but think about how lucky we all were on that day to experience something like this.  A family united in their feelings of love and support.

Ryan, the groom of this equation is also not without some mention.  Throughout the process his personality and clear care for my sister never wavered.  In some ways I find his temperament and approach to life similar to my own.  He's everything, from a brother's perspective, that you'd want to see in someone who is taking the vow to spend the rest of their life with a family member.  Someone who is caring, honest, and supportive.

As the night progressed we danced and ate and did all the traditional things that happens at weddings.  The cake, the booze, the dancing.  It was as a wedding should be.

I did happen to make one mistake though.  I was not aware that there was a videographer and that the camera being used was not taking still pictures of a moment that I was photo bombing, but rather a long extended video. 

For this I am incredibly sorry.  It was a magical moment to see my sister so happy with her life.  It's something that I'm sure every sibling can attest to, when they see their family truly happy.  My apologies if I put a small flaw on something that was so perfect.

Baney's gonna Baney

We traveled back to our hotel where I changed from my suit to shorts and a T-Shirt as we entered a nightlife spot around the corner.  We drank some bud lights, and I'm pretty sure I made an unfortunate choice to buy a round of tequila.  Someone snagged a quick picture of Sarah and I as we chomped on a few delicious bites of a Margarita pie. 

It seemed like a fitting close to the day, where in the end, the simplicity of pizza can show how two unlike people can still be so similar. 

9/16/18

The weekend wrapped up the next day after a delicious brunch in the hotel lobby.  I was not feeling particularly great after the last rounds of tequila, but so it goes. 

We talked about the highlights of the wedding, some of our trivial problems and a smidgen about the Penn State football program which never seems to be too far from our tongues. 

All in all the wedding was a huge success and a lot of fun.  It felt like an adventure in Philadelphia, where we came together to celebrate all that is good in the world.  I'll always treasure the memory and whenever I go back to the city, the term "brotherly love" will always mean a little more to me.

Dominate The State: Why tonight's game will be great to watch.

Tonight is going to be a great game between Pitt and Penn State, but not for the reasons you might think. 

Yes the game will feature your standard football excitement, hard hits, long pass plays, controversial call and no calls and the like. 

But it will also feature two teams who really can't stand each other.

The crux of the talk is something like this.  The one school is the little brother of the other, and while one school has a seemingly mountain worth of prestige and money, the other little school has also had it's claim to fame for periods of time.

It was heightened by small words and phrases such as "Dominate The State" or "No different than beating Akron".

In all the is a real competitive dislike between the two schools.  No it's not the competition or tradition of say Ohio State vs. Michigan, but the level of dislike is almost certainly as real. 

This typically results in a very intense game with an inordinate amount of physicality and speed.  A level of near recklessness from the players playing as hard as they possibly can for as long as they possibly can.

And that is what really makes for good television. 

We don't watch sports solely to watch an outcome that we think will be decided.  We watch to see two team display maximum effort and to do so with unbridled joy for the game that they're playing. 

At 8 PM tonight all of Pennsylvania will likely be watching ABC as the Nittany Lions take on the Panthers for the 99th time under the lights.  The stats will line up and through it all the Nittanly Lions hold virtually every historical and statistical edge. 

But that won't matter for tonight. 

Because tonight will feel like a near National Championship type feel to the home team.  They will feel like they get their chance one last time to show they aren't just a little brother program.  How will the Lion respond if that is the case?

I expect they will show more the same character that they've always shown through the past however many years.  Unlike past teams, the current incarnation and vision of the Nittany Lions do not seem to care at all about what outsiders think and remained committed to playing their style and brand of football.  One that is a true team and fights through adversity.

I expect tonight's game to be one of true intensity through the first three quarters, only to see Penn State pull away late in the 4th.

Execution, tackling, and sense of composure will be key for the Nittany Lions to prevail, otherwise, Pitt may just steal this game and pull off what Appalachian State could not.



Final Score prediction

Penn State 34
Pittsburgh 24

New To Me. Discoveries Along The Spotify Algorythms.

Every week if you're a Spotify user, Spotify will try and find new music for you based on the things that you've listened to and liked.  I typically listen through the whole playlist at least once per week and on occasion find some things that I think are worth another listen or two.  They belong at the very least on a playlist for someone or some event. 

So I'm just gonna share some of my thoughts on some of the better tracks that got introduced to me via the system.  Odds are you haven't heard these songs either but if you're taste in music is anything like mine, I think they're worth a listen.


Little Silver Cross by White Reaper.
Genre:  Alt Rock

A steady pushed tempo with what I some punk rock vocals and riffs.  This song stood out as something I would hear while watching a skate board video and driving down a coast line.  This was the first song that my ears perked up and said, "Oh I haven't heard this, but I like it."

Change Coming-Layup 
Genre: Alternative, electronic

I immediately got caught up in the unique vocals from Chris Henderson but for me it was a bit too repetitive as far as both musically and lyrically.  Still Henderson has a unique talent and sound that makes me want to listen to more of his other band Bronze Radio Return

Humming Bird by Wildling
Genre:  Americana Pop (If that's a thing.  Think Walk the Moon or Moon Taxi)

I think a great song to end the Summer with, in the same vain as Walk The Moon's Anna Sun or whichever version of Boys of Summer, you like to enjoy (I'm partial to the Atari's version).  It's a song about enjoying a Summer love, and then having that love seemingly dashed.  However it's got a great sing along chorus that I think speaks to that rebellious summer chase.

"Stay a little bit
Take a hit
While the sun's out
Baby, it was sweet, you and me, chasing flowers
Don't think that I've forgotten
You're all I've ever wanted"

Set On Fire by MAGIC GIANT
Genre: Electric Pop Folk

I initially liked this song, but the more I listen to it the more I disliked it.  It feels somewhat like a copycat of Mumford and the americana electric pop rock scene.  It's not all together bad, but after a second listen it feels just a bit too much for me.  That said, it's catchy enough that it might become a small radio hit.

The Dog Is Mine by K-OSGenre: Blues, Rock.

Nice solid groove song.  It feels like something a modern day cowboy might enter a saloon to.  The use of voice alteration is a bit overused, but it still adds a bit of attitude to this song.  K-OS is more known for his rapping skills, but this is really a rock song through and through. 

Figuring It Out by SWMRS
Genre: Punk

The sounds of pop punk and alternative rock surround this song about alienated youth.  One can't help but think about Good Charlotte's The Anthem, or The Offspring's The Kid's Aren't Alright.  Still it might push a little too hard with it's "whoa ohh" chorus that get's amped up maybe just too much in the early parts of the song.

Be My Fire by The Blue Stones

Genre: Blues Rock

Few bands have struck me as much as The Blue Stones.  Sure they are following the model of a color and a random thing singing blues rock (The White Stripes/The Black Keys).  I will say that this particular song comes alive with all the essentials.  It has deep enough percussion and bass that you can feel it bounce when the dial is at a 6. The song builds and builds until reaches a face melting crescendo at the end.

Humble by Scary Pockets and Mia Dyson
Genre: Novelty Covers

Ok, the song is originally by Kendrick Lamar certainly has it's own sound, but this cover is such a fantastic take on the song that it holds up on it's own.  Something about the words coming from a female perspective gives the words almost more weight. 

Start It Up by Dry Reef
Genre: Reggae

A nice slow rhythm that goes well with Palm Tree's and vacations.  Would also fit well with entertaining guests for dinner.  Very easy to listen to and relaxing, fits well into the background. 

Bitch, Baby by Pet Fangs
Genre:  Alternative Pop

At first I thought this was TV On The Radio, but instead it's the relatively new pop/rock group Pet Fangs.  With influences including Prince and David Bowie, you can count on this song to take you to a certain 'space' feel, as though the sounds are literally not from this world.

Good Thoughts by Frank Jaeger
Genre: Hip Hop

Hip-Hop isn't as prevalent on my Spotify Discover as alternative or rock is, but thankfully it's still there.  This song was the only one on my list, but it's a good one.  A very chill track that has its heart in the sounds of New York or Chicago.  It has an almost cold weather feel to it, that as we say goodbye to maybe the sounds of summer we are entering a new season.

In The Chase. The sensations of running.

Sweat drips like a waterfall and I'm breathing heavily.  I'm trying to escape the pressures of the world and the demons in my mind.  I'm running away from them and toward my dreams.  Toward my goals.  With each step I feel them loosening their grip on me, breaking forward and exploring new places in the world.  Finding out what else I'm capable of. 

I'm older now, and I'm aware that I used to be able to run longer and faster.  Still, I can't stop myself from trying to get back to that place.  The one where I kept running for me, because it gave me the confidence to be myself.  I'm running up and down hills, near small houses and large.  I run through the farmlands, I run on the pavement of the streets and sidewalks.  I keep pushing myself, keep driving my legs and body forward and onward.  I don't want to give up because I don't want to stay still.  I need to continue moving in the right direction and doing the things that make me happy, and this is one of them.

I don't always run, but I find that running opens me up the most.  When I feel my lungs burst and my legs churn with every step, I feel something primal, as though it was something I was always meant to do in some capacity.

However to get to this apex of emotional feeling, you must endure some stress, and perhaps in some context, some pain. 

To start a run for me, requires a good bit of energy.  I don't wake up spry, feeling like I can take on the day.  I wake up, and either want coffee or to go back to bed. 

My warm up usually includes me listening to some kind of song that I've hooked on to that excites me and pacing madly around the house looking for my ear buds that I probably misplaced from the night before.  A little stretching so that I don't pull or twist anything, and then I'm off.  Usually the paths are familiar, but every now and then I like to put in a little twist to extend the run or to explore another part of the area. 

I've gotten in the habit of mapping and saving the runs to my smartphone to give me feedback.  This helps me with judging my pace and whether I can reasonably pick it up, as well as monitor how often I've run in the past few weeks or months.  It will be pretty interesting to see where all the numbers lie as the year progresses and things such as snow and the elements begin to have an effect. 

When I run, my mind wanders back and forth about things.  About my life in general, back to the road in front of me and everywhere in-between.  Sometimes I don't think at all and just listen to whatever is playing on my headphones, losing myself in the rhythms and words of Eminem or The Record Company or whatever else is inspiring me for the day.

In the middle of the run, or sometimes near the end, I imagine that I'm being chased, maybe by a dog or a person.  Every now and then I'm more creative and think it might be a mountain lion that springs out from the woods or a bear.  It helps to keep me pressing on the pace and to realize that I may have more in my tank.

There's something about the completion of a run that seems to set me up though for the rest of the day.  A feeling that I've somehow already beaten my toughest physical task and that from here on out everything will be a simple mental test of can you do it or not.

For others it might be time spent in the gym, lifting weights or doing yoga, and I've tried nearly all of them, but the simplicity of running just appeals to me more.  I feel like I'm moving almost with the Earth itself, becoming part of the world around me rather than a feeling of being stationary and unable to move.

In life, sometimes that's what it feels like the most.  This inability to move from one situation to another, as though you're stuck in mud and something is holding you back.  While I run, it feels like I'm constantly breaking those chains and getting out of the muck.  It's a sense of freedom that is unlike anything else.

The Affair, Birthday's and Chicken Carbonara

Like many couples, my wife and I watch certain shows together.  One of them happening to be "The Affair," which centers on the destructive power of trust being tarnished while giving the perspective of the character in the chapter. 

For example, from Noah's perspective in the show he is a misunderstood hero character.  Someone who is looking out for others while at the same time attempting to be the best father or companion he can be. 

For me this is kind of how I'll approach this article.  Written from my perspective about my lovely wife's birthday.




Part 1.  (of 1)

Ben.


It really all started at Wegmans, where Ben would wander section to section for each individual ingredient.  He didn't really know exactly where each item would be, and in fact the only basil he could find came as a full-on potted plant.

He bought a plant.

He fumbled his way getting the parsley leaves, wanting to not pay the $1.49 per bushel, he attempted to pull some out, put it in the bag and then weigh the item to see if he could pay less.

He couldn't.  The only price available for the parsley was for the entire bushel.  This meant he had to try and discard his prematurely stolen parsley, and not wanting to waste it, threw it with the small bag back behind the other bushels. 

He was pretty sure no one saw him, except for whatever poor soul had to watch security tapes from the store.

On he went through the store picking out each ingredient he read off from his phone.  The chicken, the eggs, the heavy whipping cream (He took 5 minutes to google the difference between heavy cream, half and half, and heavy whipping cream).  Ben would eventually settle on the Upstate brand of whipping cream after careful cost and flavor considerations.

Upon exiting the grocery store, he had a few more stops to make.  One being to the local jeweler to buy his wife something pretty. 

Ben had never been one for attempting to make the world around him beautiful.  He really barely knew how to dress himself in any kind of fashionable way, instead, relying on the work uniform, the advice of others, and an ability to stay away from daily social interaction to keep the myth that he understood what looked good or bad.

Buying jewelry was again, not exactly something he was good at.  So he improvised, giving a budget and attempting to relay his goal to saleswoman.  Something simple that would remind her of him, and he of this fun, fulfilling, and personal day.

When he arrived home, Ben began the cooking process as best he knew how.  He prepped the ingredients as similarly as he could to the Blue Apron dishes he and his wife had gotten in the mail from time to time.

Blue Apron would be proud

Needless to say at this particular juncture he was quite pleased with his efforts.  It all seemed so neat and orderly, as though he was on his way to a successful dish with minimal hassle (save for finding the ingredients in the first place). 

He then realized he had forgotten about the chicken, and his wife would be home soon.

While panic wasn't exactly striking him, a bit of unease and self-doubt certainly began to poke its head around the corner.

Quickly, he put the chicken in the oven to "roast" so that he could later shred and put in the pot.

The problem seemed to be the timing of it all.  For all the prep work he had previously done, he had failed to preheat the oven, and now time was ticking away.

Thankfully there was an antidote to that. 

For most people in general, after a day's work, and especially on your birthday you would probably want your vice.  Like the vast majority of the world, Allie enjoys a glass of wine after work.  For others, maybe a nice beer or a martini, or maybe you live in the free states like Colorado and California and like to light up some ganja. 

In any case, this birthday meant she would be able to enjoy one her simplest and most guilty pleasures: boxed Franzia wine. 

Yes, Ben could have bought a bottle of something else, but the reality has become clear to both of them that we can't detect a very discernible difference in most chilled wines.  A Pinot Grigio or "Crisp White" blend from Franzia is going to be at least as good as a 15-25 dollar bottle of whatever random California, South American, or Western European wine.  This obviously excludes Dr. Konstantine Frank's Gewurztraminer.  (That is a white wine that I simply find out of this world with spice and flavor.)

A teacher's kryptonite

When she finally gets home, she walks through the door and she is all smiles.  Seemingly not a care in the world and so happy to be home.  The feeling is completely mutual.  They both feel all the pressures of the world just fade away.  Here they are, home. They feel at peace, and nothing can hurt them. 

They embrace for seconds, but it feels like days.  Kisses and the typical couple talk ensues, and eventually time and place comes back into the fold.

Ben springs for the wine glass, pausing briefly in mid-stride to ask if she actually wanted the wine. 

She's enthusiastic and buoyant with a proclamation of "Yes!"

The chicken comes out, but Ben feels it's still underdone.  He shreds the chicken as best he can, then puts the chicken back into the oven and lowers the heat on the pancetta that he had started.  The recipe called for the pancetta to slightly cool anyway while the water for the pasta boiled. 

In a large bowl, Ben whisked together some of the prepared ingredients.  He added slightly more pasta then the original recipe asked for and was hopeful that a slight adjustment for some of the other ingredients would be enough. 

Once the chicken was cooked a bit more thoroughly, Ben combined the chicken and the pancetta, thoroughly mixing the two together and cooking on a medium to low heat.  Then he poured the pasta on top, then the cream sauce, mixing it all together and becoming increasingly confident that the meal being created would be one of the best he had ever made.

A goober unnecessarily
confident about his cooking

From there dinner would be served the way that all meals are served.  With a bit of garnish and flair so that when captured for a short Snapchat or Facebook post, it would make other people respond with a bit to share in that happiness.

But Ben, for what seemed like the first time in a long time, felt aware that there would be more to this story than just a quick little picture.  So he decided to take many pictures of the process, and then write about it.

What was making this day wasn't one moment in particular, it wasn't one thing.  It was the multitude of steps and moments strung together to make that delicious meal.  Every thing moving as if connected on a string.  It started with a trip to Wegmans, then as the moment hits about how special this day is going to be, to really stay in the moment and live it.  To remember how it feels to celebrate the birthday of a loved one.

From there it becomes a journey and at the end you arrive at a place that's so unapologetically happy that you can't hide it.  That it'll make you want to take pictures of your food and share them with others.  To enjoying a night watching a fictional show that exploits the viewpoints of others to tell its stories.  Ben felt that he had helped to make this birthday a successful one.

When you're so happy you just
want to take pictures of food.

Getting back in the habit. A moment to reflect on who I've been, and who I want to be.

Who are you going to be?

Who is the person that you see in the mirror and is it the person that you envision yourself to be when people ask who you are? 

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle said "We are what we do.  Excellence then is not an act but a habit."

I have tried to make my habits productive ones.  I have tried to exercise on a near daily basis.  I have tried to write at the same level.  I have tried to serve others in a positive way.  Indeed my profession in the hospitality industry demands that I look out for others first and to be as selfless as possible.

Over the past year I have found that it's been difficult to focus on those things as the world around me has changed dramatically.

It started with the election of Donald Trump as President.  A man whom I detest at the very core of my being.  A man who I believe to be beneath the office of President and simply looks out for his own well-being and has little interest in the plight of others.

Soon after his election, my grandmother died of cancer.  

The values that my grandmother instilled in me were the opposite of what Trump has stood for.

She cared about the environment, about giving and helping those less fortunate, and perhaps most importantly about treating all people with dignity and respect.

She ate healthy, was physically active and came from a line of genetics that suggested that she may live well into her 100's.

The fact that cancer came into her life and stole those remaining years came as such a shock to our family that I still don't know that we've reconciled with.

As time passed a sense of determination, and maybe even anger, started to take hold of me.  I did not want anything to do with those that embody the selfish virtues that were being espoused by Trump.  I found him and his ilk to be the antithesis of what my grandmother stood for.

At every turn I looked to stamp out the selfish impulses that I saw in my workplace and attempted to guide those who would look to satisfy their own wants and needs to think of others first.

But I found that my attempts to shed light on the self-centered actions of others was not well received.  Instead, I was now seen as a pariah, a holier than thou outcast that existed now on the outside of a culture rather than the core.

I have never been one that would conform to the outside pressures of the world.  I have always done what I thought was best at the time, even at times to my own detriment.  

I promised my grandmother that I would write everyday.  That I would read something everyday.  That I would do something physically active everyday.

As of now I have failed on those promises, and on some level I knew I was going to fail.  The idea of writing, reading, and working out all the time seemed doable, but as time passed it was far easier to watch Netflix and play games after work.  

I would become distracted by the news of the day that inevitably involved the leader of this country doing something else that I disagreed with.  Another mass shooting that seemed intrinsically sad because we continue to refuse to address gun violence; the continued bias against minorities by law enforcement.

It all continues to add up, and I had begun to feel as though my attempts to influence the world in a positive way had little impact.

It is time for me to get back to the person I was prior to the election of Trump.  Get back to the writing, the exercise, and an undaunted pursuit of excellence within my field.  

In many ways I've been headed back in that direction the past few months, writing and exercising with more regularity.  

I feel good, as though the future that I desire is right in front of me for the taking.

Socrates once said "The greatest way to live with honor is to be what we pretend to be."

I interpret that to mean to be the people that we say we are.  We all to some degree try to project an image of some sort.  However, as human as we are, we sometimes fail to achieve to "be" that image.

For me, I'm hoping that I can continue to take the steps necessary to be that man of excellence that habitually does the things that I want to do.

To me it starts with whatever the first thing you do in morning might be.  Did you start in motion or did it take you a while to warm up?  For myself, it seems better that I start my day with a chore, exercise, or something that get's me going that I really don't want to do. 

The more I procrastinate, the more stress I seem to create for myself.  Even if I begin the day with a light 10 minute's worth of stretching, I feel as though that helps get my body ready to move and remain active through the day.

When I write, like this article here, I need to be less critical of myself and trust that I have something interesting to say.  I have long lamented how many article's I've written and not submitted simply due to fear of how it might be received, or weakness in grammar or spelling. 

I need to trust that process and submit the work out there.  This process feels like the one I need to work on the most. 

Finally, I need to relax about when I don't do the right thing.  My habit's won't be perfect to start, and there are going to be times when the reality of the world might interfere with getting certain things done that I had set out to do. 

If I can do these things, I believe that I can get back to the version of myself that wasn't as concerned with the thing's that I can't control, and give me more control over the things that I can.