Stop Hitting Kids. A Confession From An Ex-Bully.

I'm about to move into a new home, hopefully, at the end of the month.  My wife and I are in the process of deciding what to throw out, donate, keep, or sell.  My parents, going through some things they had kept for me, had stumbled upon a box full of second grade materials. 

Second grade was my worst grade.  I was bigger than most everyone in my class already.  I stood out as a kid that could have passed for a grade or two older in a hurry.  On top of which, I had a short attention span, a proclivity for attention seeking at inopportune times, and an enjoyment of all things in macho American culture.  GI Joe's, Pro Wrestling, Ninja Turtles, Transformers, and everything else a boy born in 1984 might like. 

As I read my report cards my mind jogs back to a time I had mostly forgotten.  A time where I sucked at being a kid.  I don't know why it happened anymore.  I don't know if  it was in response to teases and insecurities.  If it was some sort of cry for help and attention.  But for whatever reason, I could not control my behavior and impulses.  I would push kids, hit them, poke them, and generally be a pretty terrible second grader from what I read on my report cards.  It's all there, it's all in the cards, and in the reports.

My stomach turns thinking about it.  Just admitting it racks me with guilt and shame.

But over time, things would become better.  I had support from adults in the form doctors and therapists.  I would have support from teachers, counselors, coaches and other parents.  My behavior would change dramatically over the next 20 some years, and not because of violence enacted against me, but because of discussion, thoughtfulness, and a community that looked out for one another.

Then, a week or so later I would see this video, which I'm sure is about to go viral for so many reasons, but not the least of which is how some Americans can still view hitting children they perceive to be misbehaving as acceptable. 

I don't know all of the details about the following clip.

This is a short snippet and there could certainly be more to this story than at first glance.  It was first posted to my knowledge on June 3, 2018.

The kid makes mention that the older man talked about his mother, which if true, is a terrible thing for an adult to do, and would absolutely makes sense why a kid might begin to act that way.  (Because, honestly, otherwise the whole scene seems really odd.)

The excuse that a child was "messing" with cars and was just being a problem as a reason to act like that adult did is also troublesome.  The fact that the man could not disengage and get another adult to assist speaks volumes to his own lack of development.

That said, it becomes obvious that the kid needs help, and a lot of it.  That violence shown by the adult will probably teach nothing but that violence is effective against those weaker than you.  Rather than using violence, more discipline and resources should be used to get the kid help to rehabilitate.

From those types of lessons in my past, I learned to use my strength and disciplined  myself in athletics to the point of being walk-on as a Division 1 athlete and become a college grad.  I am now happily married, on the verge of home ownership and have held a steady job and been promoted to management.  That was not what my path looked like when I was young.

If my early behavior was dealt with return violence or neglect from my parents or the school system,  my guess is that I'd continue on a more violent and delinquent path.  If I was given a belt or a spanking rather than counseling sessions or a psychologist I think that I would learn only that violence rules in this world, and that ideas, thoughts and words were for the weak.

However that's not what I learned.

I learned that true strength comes from your character and how you act.  That stoicism and thought matter more than emotion and brawn. 

If your first instinct is to be angry with the child and not the adults around the child who can't function and deal with the kid in any kind of responsible manner then shame on you.  Adults should be better than this.  Our system should know about this kid and try to help him learn about control and discipline.  It shouldn't take Facebook to try and help identify this kid and get him help.

Maybe his parents share some of the blame, but it still doesn't mean the rest of society can turn a blind eye.  It's up to us as human beings to help those kids that are having problems early in their life.  That become physical or become malcontent or full of rage.  NONE of the adults in the video try to calm the kid down or do anything to try and deescalate whatever the issue might be.  Instead they videotape and do nothing and by the end leave a kid to himself, with no one offering to help in any real way.

Some of the comments I've heard regarding this video on others posts and the original post are about how the kid is a brat and deserved a whooping, a spanking.  That he faked the call and was just being a cry baby and got what he deserved.  That violence is what will cure a kid that is so full of rage and anger.  That the physical punishment will be the cure to the perceived bullying.  Or maybe neglect and let him find out for himself later in life. 

That is not just propaganda (although I'm sure some is), that is how some real people that I know, think.

I cannot buy that.  I think we owe that kid our support in trying to become a peaceful citizen.  Because if we don't; if we only teach violence and cast him aside, I believe there is a higher likelihood that he will become a hindrance and negative impact to society.  That if we turn our backs to the problems in the world that they will grow worse, not better.

I wonder, if that kid continues to go through life without help or guidance but rather, only fistfights and screaming matches, would it surprise anyone to find out later he became a man of violence?  One that beat women, or got in fights at the bar?  Maybe becomes an alcoholic or drug abuser? 

Because to me it wouldn't shock me in the slightest.