On The Verge Of Taking the Next Step...Again

Penn State's history in Men's basketball is well documented.  A program that at times has seen some success, has had some terrific young men represent the program, but a program that has seemingly never been able to get over the hump.  Always seemingly 2 or 3 players away from becoming a true contender on the national scene.

I believe that their time as a mid level program is coming to a close and that we are about to ascend to the point where they will begin to contend and win time in and time out against other top flight programs across the Country.

I believe that Patrick Chambers has established a culture that he can replicate and win with.  His players focused on teamwork, effort, and sacrifice to create a winning culture.

When I watch Penn State basketball these days, I am struck by the athleticism and skill that is on the floor most nights.  Tony Carr is a legitimate NBA prospect right now, and if he develops, could even be a top 10 pick down the road.  Lamar Stevens, Mike Watkins, and Josh Reaves have great athleticism and size to defend multiple positions as well as provide impact around the rim.  Wheeler comes off the bench and creates havoc defensively and provides ball handling while giving Carr a breather.

But the two people who have put us over the top have been Shep Garner and Julian Moore.  Their roles are seemingly minor, but to me, when those two play well, the rest of the team's energy seems to sky rocket.

In the game against Mississippi State, Shep's 3-point barrage deflated the opposition and seemed to keep his teammates engaged in such a way to maintain everyone's focus and get the team's best.  During a game against Ohio State at home, Julian Moore came in to relieve the highly regarded Watkins and during one possession blocked two shots.  The crowd roared with approval and the atmosphere turned electric.

Basketball can easily become a sport about the few, about individuals, and less about the team.  Certainly individual talent can shine brightly on this stage.  But the best teams always seem to have players that excel even with limited rolls.  Penn State has shown a willingness to accept those roles and play them as well as they possibly can.

If these Nittany Lions come out against Utah tonight and play as well as they have for the past two months, I feel pretty confident in saying, not only that they'll win, but there is a strong chance that even without Tony Carr, the habits they've built and continue to build will help turn them into a NCAA tournament team come next year.

This Penn State team has been fun to watch for their determination, for their skill and athleticism, but most of all for how they appear to be a true team.  One that relies on themselves as well as others.  Tonight, win or lose, Penn State fans should feel good about how those kids have played the game and how the coaches have grown the program and culture.

"Tearing At the Seams" by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Nightsweats.

Nathanniel Rateliff sounds old.   He sounds like he was teleported from a time where Creedence Clearwater, Van Morrison, and the soulful sounds of rhythm and blues took control of the airwaves.

Coming off viral national hits like I Need Never Get Old and S.O.B.  Rateliff's commercial expectations are a little bit more raised and in this album he mostly delivers a sound that is both recognizable in its roots as well as giving his own distinct flair.  Sometimes his voice becomes a bit muffled or hidden by the raucous horns, but never to the point that you can't enjoy, musically, the sound of the record.

If you're expecting a faster rock record and more of the same from their 2016 self titled album's hits you may be a bit disappointed.  Rateliff instead takes a measured approach to tell his blues filled stories.  That's not to say the tracks lack passion or that there aren't some tracks that carry some crossover pop weight, just that nothing works up to frenetic pace that his last two big hits had.

Overall I found the album enjoyable, but only three tracks really jumped out, with everything else being solid.


1. - Shoe Boot

The album opens with a slow stroll, with the sound of the keyboard, the horns as Rateliff creates a scene of open confidence if a bit uncertain as to where that confidence may lead.  While it's not big on rhymes and words, it does showcase the heart and soul musically of what the album is.  It gives the feel of an almost rebel seduction.

Said you can't find no water
Said you can't find your feet
Maybe it's turned the corner
Or maybe it's not for me

If you had a lover,
Would you bring them back to me?
I can't find you honey
But I want you to dance with me

Meet me by the corner, I know a place to go
Or maybe we'll love each other
Or maybe I don't know

Meet me by the corner, I know a place to go
Or maybe we'll love each other
Or maybe I don't know

2. - Be There

The second track opens with the banging of drums and chords that make you feel good and kind of want to clap and sing along.  Makes for a solid "Car Song" to drive to and seems destined to be used in a movie starring George Clooney

You start looking mean
Need something to ruin
Carved out your name
Not enough for you

I remember when
There was nothing to take your mind off it
I know all the ways
To act like a fool
I needed you

In other words, other ways
I want you to be there for me
In other words, other ways
I want you to be there for me

You think that you can
I take up so much room
It's the best I can bend
To try to make some space for two

It spins around us in
A direction to come unwind
While I needed you
It was never a choice of mine

In other words, other ways
I want you to be there for me
In other words, other ways
I want you to be there for me

Ain't it hard enough for me to ask
Well, it takes all of me

In other words, in other ways
I want you to be there for me
In other words, other ways
I want you to be there for me
In other words, in other ways
I want you to be there for me

3. - A Little Honey

A smooth song that seems on some level easy to get lost in.  It touches on the blues and loneliness being without that touch of sweetness.  Easy to listen to, simple and sweet.

I need you baby
More than you'll ever, ever know
What keeps you waiting?
Let's take our time just moving slow

I'm so lonely, feeling heavy love
You're just so far from where I want you now

Come on now, baby
You speak so soft and low
Come on now, baby
You think that I don't know
I need some honey
Come on now, baby

What if I told you
That there's a fight on every corner
They'll keep you wavering
Until you've reached some modern low
It's not just lazy
There's just some things you're never told

It can't be this heavy love
We'll have to wear our fears so everyone
Can see it too

Come on now, baby
You speak so soft and low
Come on now, baby
You think that I don't know
I need some honey
Come on now, baby

4. - Say It Louder

This is the point where I had difficulty sticking with the album, as this track felt to slow for me from the last one.  It's not a bad song, mind you.  Simple song that would go fine to dance to in the moonlight or dance to at your local bar when it's closing down.

One of these days, I'm gonna take mine back
I fell forever just to watch the slack
All of the days of working in the sun
My hands remind me of every hole I dug

I said, hey, I'm all cried out
Hey, I'm all tired out
You'll climb out
When you're finding your own way

I'll say it louder, say it clear
I'll say it louder, say it clear
I'll say it louder, say it clear
I'll say it louder, say it clear
They say sometimes
What you need is exactly what you fear

One of these days, I'll take it on my way
One of these nights, I'll leave it somewhere babe
Talk of days and night and what you want
You say forever, then it's way too long
I said hey, hey baby
The night's turned to dawn and we're standing
In the shadows baby
Where we turn to face the sun

I'll say it louder, say it clear
I'll say it louder, say it clear
I'll say it louder, say it clear
I'll say it louder, say it clear

I said, hey, I'm all cried out
Hey, I'm all tired out
And you'll climb out
When you're finding your way

I'll say it louder, say it clear
I'll say it louder, say it clear
I'll say it louder, say it clear
I'll say it louder, say it clear
They say sometimes
What you need is exactly what you fear

5. - Hey Mama (State Pick)


A slower track, but one that certainly resonates with me in terms of subject matter.  In this track and story, a young man comes home complaining of the weight of the world.  His mom on the other hand, while not saying that his plight isn't real, tells him that there is still a long way to go, that he still hasn't lived or run long enough to feel the positive things in life.  That those things will come as he continues to push through his plight.

Hey mama, it's me
Said you better wait child
Said you've been a long time running

Hey mama, answer me
Baby boy you better sit down
Can't listen when the sun's out
My only son this will be so hard to hear

C'mon mama what do you mean
I know you've been knocked down
I know it ain't all been easy
Nothing ever good really is

Why you gotta wait so long
Why you gotta wait so long

But she said son
Let me reason with you
You think you carry such a weight
I know I never beat you boy
Better start acting like
This here's a race

You ain't gone far enough to say
At least I tried

You ain't worked hard enough to say
Well I've done mine

You ain't run far enough to say
My legs have failed

You ain't gone far enough
You ain't worked hard enough
You ain't run far enough to say
It ain't gonna get any better

You picked a bad time
You picked a bad time to listen to me
You picked a bad time
You picked a bad time to listen to me
You picked a bad time
You picked a bad time to listen to me
You picked a bad time
You picked a bad time to listen to me

You ain't gone far enough to say
At least I tried

You ain't worked hard enough to say
Well I've done mine

You ain't run far enough to say
My legs have failed

You ain't gone far enough
You ain't worked hard enough
You ain't run far enough to say
It ain't gonna get any better

6. - Babe I Know

If you are going to make a blues record, then this is one of the songs that needs to be on it.  It gives the feeling of almost a lonely Winter of Christmas sound.  This regret that seems to haunt him but unable to actually give voice to it.

Babe I know it swirls around me
Like the sun shines on the coast
Like a weathered, torn, once sturdy barn
I used to give you shelter and warmth

It's clear, I can see
The dry grass at my feet
As we wait to go, if you don't come home I'll just say
"Baby I know"

Babe I know
Baby I know
The course has drifted here
As we swim to land, mouths full of the sand, just say
"Baby I know"

I'm all tired and my throat's so dry
I feel I'm barely holding on
I'm gonna sit around here with this abscessed fear and say
"Baby I know"

Now there's something that I want that I'll never be
Burned out full of love
Now sometimes I lay here half awake
And say, "baby I know"
Now sometimes I lay here half awake
And say, "baby I know"

7. - Intro
 A sorely needed pick me up to the album, this "Intro" is an energetic spring to jolt the album back to life.

Well we got the whole night left to lose and
There's nothing I'd rather doing
Baby just to be so close to you

Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you love me
Tell me that there's nothing around here baby
This part of town to get crazy
Acting the fool and being lazy

8. - Coolin' Out (State Pick)
 
A fun song that speaks to a sense of being carefree and seems to break away from the rigidity and stress that can exist in the world.  A fun up and down bass line, the female background singers and keyboards really help accentuate a song that really puts the album back into a bit of an upbeat mood.

I've been coolin' out, baby
Now I might be fool enough, maybe
And now I wanna hear you say it
Say that love ain't enough to carry
Now it might be that I'm bein' swayed in a lie

Are you standing in the shadows or standing in the waves?
The heat's got you dizzy and you're red in the face
Warm summer breeze, but it's cold at my place
I feel the rhythm and you're on the chase

I said, baby, come on
We'll be dancin' and havin' fun
Tell your mama that you're leavin' home
And your friends are gonna come along

And I've been coolin' out, baby
And I hope to hear you say it
Baby, it's not broke, not mendin'
And you can't always catch it, baby

Line me a hook, sing me a song
Find me crooked, broken and wrong
I found myself in the way

I said, baby, come on
We'll be dancin' and havin' fun
Tell your mama that you're leavin' home
And your friends are gonna come along
We'll be coolin' and carryin' on

I've been coolin' out, baby...

9. - Baby I Lost My Way, (But I'm Going Home)


If I might, this song can't help but musically remind me of "Love Potion No. 9" as well as a generic spy thriller.  This song also, in my view, suffers a bit from the music overpowering Rateliff's voice so profoundly.  It's OK, but I feel like it's not as essential to the album as some as the other tracks.

Now the weight I know
And the weight I've seen
You look tired and worn
You were almost beat
Now the weight I found
Woah, baby I lost my way but I'm going home

I've been stumbling down the mountain
I've been stumbling by the sea
I've been stumbling in the dust
I can't taste it on my teeth
But the weight I know, baby I lost my way but I'm going home

Been pushing through a crowd on an empty street
Everything that you worked for but still can't see
Baby take it from someone who knows, I'm trying hard just to get back home
Only thing, honey, that I need is your arms around me

Now the love I found, how it weighs on me
Are you tired and worn or maybe I can't see?
Baby don't let go
Oh, baby I lost my way but I'm going home

10. - You Worry Me (State Pick)

A haunting electric guitar smacks the scene to get your attention as well as a quick but measured pace.  As Rateliff then comes in to tell the story of attempting to help a friend and loved one so that they can become happy.  That while he may exist in a positive place, he isn't immune to seeing someone he cares about struggling.  It fills an emotional depth of caring for someone that is struggling in such a simple but humanizing way, all the while giving a confidence that the problems can be over come. 

I'm alright today
You gonna find a way to cross and you gonna get there

And I'm on fire today
Ain't no water here to calm or even put me out

I'll find a better way
Am I crazy or the wind is gonna blow me down?

I'm gonna leave it all out there to dry
I'm gonna leave it all out there
I'm gonna leave it all out there to dry up
I'm gonna leave it all out thereYou seem tired today
Were you up all night afraid of what the future might bring?

I feel fine today
I had dreams of you in places I've not seen before

You get so carried away
Like lovers new to bodies first to touch you here

This ain't a getaway
You build walls around your heart to try to lock it in
I'm gonna leave it all out there to dry
I'm gonna leave it all out there
I'm gonna leave it all out there to dry up
I'm gonna leave it all out thereAnd upon the wind it's carried
Over the cities and the plains
You got time you're on the mend babe
And everybody wants the same
Everybody wants the same thing

I'm gonna leave it all out there to dry
I'm gonna leave it all out there
I'm gonna leave it all out there to dry up
I'm gonna leave it all out thereBut you worry me
You worry me...

11. - Still Out There Running

A love song that seems to ask if their own time for love has ended and that it's time for one great relationship to go the way as others have.  Slow and steady, the song still seems to have touches of hope within it.  That at the end maybe it doesn't have to be the way it seems.

Yeah baby, we could set the whole thing on fire
I was the king of standing alone
Looking back to see how far you've flown
I ain't grown and I ain't changed at all

Yeah honey, you could say I'm afraid
Afraid my voice don't even sound the same
There's some pitch I can't even hear at all
Push my voice now to hear it stall
I'm choking on every word

Yeah maybe, we could find a place to stretch our wings
Rest upon cliffs overlooking scenes
Scenes we don't write and we don't fall between
Ah, we're just falling again

Wake me up, see the fire has fully surrounded us
Hey I know, as I'm coughing up all the ashes
Of the friends and the love I used to know
It's still out there running

Yeah baby, we could set the whole thing ablaze
Watch the crowd's eyes open amazed
They're just standing in the smoke of the dead
Hear them whispering their stories, man
It'll never change the time they're gone

Hey honey, you think that I'm a fool to be
So deep in it now that I can't see
I just wait for you to call my name
Ain't it always been the same?
We just keep passing on the wrong time

Yeah maybe, maybe we'll go to the other side of town
Remember that old house, baby we ran down
The nights on the floor were so perfect then
Remember when the sun was coming up that red
And the fire in our bed

Yeah baby, we could set the whole thing on fire
I was the king of standing alone
Looking back to see how far you've flown
I ain't grown and I ain't changed at all
Looking down to see how far you've fallen

Wake me up, see the fire has fully surrounded us
Hey, I know as I'm choking upon the ashes
Of the friends and the love I used to know
I used to know back then
 
12. - Tearing At The Seams

This song, being the Title Track, gives some additional weight to this 5 minute expression of sound.  While it could potentially be a political protest song, I choose to interpret it more as though he's generally tired of the lies of the world.  The idea that the world is tearing itself apart at the seams fighting each other.  But in the end he feels that his cause is just and that he's not going to stop standing up for it.

Well, did you think that I would break
Underneath the pressure in here?

Now the heart if not to feel
Is a wandering waste in the driest land
Now from these heights of this hills
There's a funny thing that no one else can see

There's a liar, a liar on the stage
With a young child's eyes
And it happens all wrong and only
Half of it's seen from here

Where has all the time gone?
In separate ways it runs long
A hundred miles built upon us
It's tearing at the seams of all that's been
Tearing at the seams of all that's been

Wait, is this a game
Or am I walking into a snare?
Now these lies will spread
Until we're choking on the innocent

They have half of us tied and
Half of us in chains
We're all covering our eyes and
Covering our mouths just the same

Where has the time gone?
In separate ways it runs long
A hundred miles built upon us
It's tearing at the seams of all that's been
Tearing at the seams of all that's been
It's tearing at the seams of all that's been

They're gonna have to drag us away

13. - I'll Be Damned


This to me is a song about being single and that while he pretends to be over the past, he still holds this grudge, damning himself to feeling forever lonely.

We were staying home to get away
Trying to loose the hold but it's still too late
Don't sigh on me, don't size me up at all

We were backing off with a bellyache
You can sit in a hole, you can save your belief
I'm in awe, I'm forgetting everything

Well don't corner me, you've got nerve to be
Got dirt on you for feeling such a foolish thing

See it's good to be out and alone in the world
Cause nobody cares, and they never did anyways

You can pack that notion any day
You can block my face, you can bury me
I'm one and all
I'm wide on every side

We were spending in, we were on a date
You were giving me hell, or so you think
I'm barreling in, I'm barely here at all

You think it's a funny thing
You think it's sex all day
God damn you, god damn you
It's got hold of me, or at least a key
It don't bother me, it don't bother me

See it's good to be out and alone in the world
Cause nobody cares, and they never did anyways

14. - Boiled Over

I'll be honest I don't have any clue what Ratecliff is singing about here.  I just know he seems a bit happy and sad at the same time.  Like he's stoned and wanted to celebrate ending the album but knew that it wasn't probably going to be thought of like his last one that was full of a bit more pep.

A story of peas

Gerald looked blankly at his peas.  The color so benignly green that he couldn't exactly call them anything but average.  And honestly as peas went, those were the worst kind.  Not good enough that you could talk exuberantly about them, not bad enough that you could complain.  They just sat there, lightly salted, and completely unimportant.

Gerald was on a dinner date with a woman he met using a smart phone app, who at first seemed pleasant, educated and of reasonable health, but talked about what everyone else seemed to be talking about.  The sports teams, the politicians, the weather, and whatever television show was popular at the time. 

They had agreed on an French restaurant whose red curtains, decorated chandeliers and lanterns made it feel as though a customer were being transported to theme's of a world long past.  As though they were out of place in time.

There sure as shit wasn't going to be a discussion about pea's and Gerald found the thought dissappointing.

"So what do you do, exactly?" 

"I tell people what they want to hear"

"If that were true, then you would have replied 'Doctor'" She said with a grin

Gerald moved the pea's around.

"You don't want me to say Doctor"

"Oh really?"

"No, you'd be intimidated if I had said I was a Doctor.  You think you want to meet a doctor, but when push comes to shove meeting those people would cause stress.  You'd become tense, and potentially drink and eat at a much faster pace than you'd initially do if you weren't. 

"Well I hardly think that I wanted to hear all of that."

"Of course.  There are limits.  Don't worry about it.  Did you try the peas?"

The woman took a bite with a look that looked of confusion and contentment.  He was after all right.  She had never felt comfortable with those she perceived as beyond her own social status.  She always felt like she wanted to belong, but never could.


"Hey, Did you see the championship match at all?"

She had and it made her feel surprisingly at ease.  It was a simple party she had been to.  She talked about the food she ate, the drinks, the games, the one joke that was told that had the party laughing as though nothing that funny had happened in years. 

Gerald rolled the peas around.

"Let me ask you something dear, do you know why we like to talk about these memories?  These thing's?  It's because we think we KNOW what's happened to ourselves.  We understand at the very least our own reality.  And that reality, we want to think is unique.  That it's exciting to be who we are, or at the very least it's enjoyable."

"Are you saying that it isn't?"

"What did you think of your peas?"

She stared blankly at him.

Gerald sighed, and ate his peas.

Start and Stop - A Battle With Writer's Block.

How does the brain open and shut like that?  In one moment you sit melancholy or depressed, the next the synapses fire, and all of a sudden, you feel alive.  You come from a clouded space, one full of noise and angst only to later be filled so fully in the spirit of creation.  You don't care about the typos, you don't care if it all makes sense, but you type as fast as you can to make something new.

The formatting might be wrong.  There might be a wrong version of "too or to," but in the end, you erase the feeling of being incapable.  If even for five minutes in a day, you feel you can create anything that your mind wants.  Cheeseburgers in outer space?  A kitten with the ability to speak?  The possibilities are only limited by your own imagination.

But sometimes when I begin to write, or after writing for a while, the synapses seem to close; they seem to dull, and all of a sudden, I'm writing slower than when I started, and I want to go back, re-write it all and delete everything. 

That feeling makes me feel sick.

So I try to push on, writing about whatever it is I thought I first had an inspiration for, trying to push something out that I feel will validate me.  Something that'll showcase my talent for writing as well as hopefully something that's worth reading.

Often times the things that I've written are simply saved as drafts in this very blog.  Unfinished started and stopped works that I had an initial inspiration for but one reason or another stopped before completion.

So what it seems I might be at war with now, is my own apathy.  My own ability to have a streaming consciousness put onto the page and have it make sense.

And what if it doesn't?


Or if it's not funny, or not dramatic enough? 

I have to take solace that at least I had the courage to put my thoughts to paper, to attempt to try and create a sense of permanence to the idea of creation.  And even if the stories are muddled with mistakes, of which I'm sure I make plenty of, I still fought for a life that is defined by the actions I wanted to take and create. 

The other part is to keep writing as often as possible.  To keep to the routine and not move so arbitrarily; writing something one day and nothing the next. 

I'm not paid to write, I do it as a hobby and to keep that hope alive that one day maybe I could work for a living with maybe a magazine or some other media outlet.

Of course for that to work, you need to be worth reading and produce copious amount of material.  Something that I'm currently lacking.

Still, I feel the need to keep plugging away, in a sense, because I like it. 

Even now, as I think of this particular piece as a somewhat cliche "'Struggling to write,' writes writer," it makes me feel alive in a way that not writing makes me feel lost.  It's kind of like how when an athlete stops exercising.  You begin to feel a little bit down, until you pick yourself back up and do it again.

Maybe that's what this is.  That feeling of getting back into the swing of things, and becoming the person I always intended to be.