Penn State Renaissance Man

My apologies for taking this long to write this essay.  In my head, it’s been burning a hole for months, as though it’s something I’ve written a thousand times over and over.  It’s a story that I’ve wanted to tell in this format (writing) for a long time. 
 
It’s my “comeback” story. 
 
My “underdog” story. 
 
My ”triumph over the system” story.
 
It’s a story of hope and promise, failures and setbacks, but it’s also a story of perseverance and persistence.   
 
Almost one year ago I wrote about the struggles I was going through as I attempted to find not only a full-time job, but to find purpose.  About the difficulties of changing careers, dealing with the pandemic, and mass civil unrest. 
 
I felt depressed, as though I was banging my head against a system that wouldn’t allow me to become a valued member of society.  That I was another doomed millennial, destined for part-time side hustles and making just enough to maintain what I had. 
 
Since that moment, I have been on a journey that has put me in the most positive place that I’ve been in since 2016 when I married my wife. 
 
****** 
 
You likely found this post because you know me from an earlier version of myself. 
 
Maybe you know me from growing up in State College with me. An introverted athlete, willing to engage if you engaged me, but rarely speaking up in a classroom.  
 
Maybe you know me from my Penn State undergrad life, where I was a journalism student and a regular in the party scene as I dealt with a bit of an identity crisis as my athletic career came to an end after walking on the Penn State football team, only to leave after a year due to struggling to balance school, football, and my mental health. 
 
Maybe you know me from my years of working downtown at Pickles where I started as a rookie door man and over time became an assistant manager and leading the bar to some of its best years. 
 
No matter how you know me, I think the version that exists today, this 40 year old version of Ben Baney is as close as I’ve felt to my “best” self. 
 
*****  
 
For the past year I have been working with two nutritional labs within Penn State as a full-time employee.  While I am still doing occasional work for the projects for the Metabolic Diet Center, I am now also depended upon by Penn State’s Children’s Metabolic and Behavioral Research team as a Project Coordinator (or Human Research Technologist). This has become one of the new passions in my life.   
 
When I wrote in my blog in March of 2022 about becoming a research assistant, the idea of becoming more involved in Nutritional Academic research was just a spark in my mind.  I knew that I enjoyed working with the people that I did, but I was not sure that the fit was quite right. 
 
However, as I was looking for more part-time and/or full-time work, I came across Dr. Kathleen Keller’s Metabolic Kitchen and Children’s Eating Behavior Laboratory.  They had an opening for a part-time position that seemed very similar to what I was doing in Dr. Penny Kris-Etherton's lab where I might be asked to prepare foods, collect and input data, and generally help the lab out. 
 
When I was interviewed by Dr. Keller and her two other research coordinators it became apparent that this particular lab held more of an interest to me than my prior work.  They mentioned that one of the studies was looking at food advertisement, another looked at portion size, and yet another looked at food form, and that all of the studies related to children and their behavior. 
 
To me, this sounded incredibly fascinating.  This was a lab looking at the beginning stages of the formation of our eating habits.  A lab looking at nutrition not simply in calories or the effects of different nutrients, but why we eat in the way that we do, and the way that informs nutritional habits. 
 
The spark that occurred earlier in regard to Nutritional Research had now grown to a full flame.  One that began to feel as though I had stumbled upon something truly rewarding, not only for myself, but something I could bring to others. 
 
I have stayed the course and continue to attempt to become not only my best self, but to be my authentic self, at all times, all the while in service to helping those with a genuine curiosity and confidence that they too can help the world by applying themselves to the world of science, nutrition, and health.  
 
As I’ve been writing this piece, I've been starting and stopping, as it’s been so hard to put into words the amount of appreciation that I feel for the people around me.  I am now in a unique place and time in my life.  To be available to assist in the work that I believe will lead to people experiencing happier and healthier lives.   
 
***** 
 
For my supervisors, graduate students, post docs, and other faculty and staff members, I hope to show that I am bringing my best.  That whatever given talents I have, I will exhaust them on behalf of our team’s mission; that I’m genuinely invested in solving the health issues of our times and doing so in ways that showcase our ethical and moral values.   
 
I believe that the people I am learning from, the people I am spending so much more of my time with, are making me better in so many ways.  I will try to give up whatever I can for them.  I see their genius and drive.  Their tenacity working in a climate that is conducive to inclusion, creative thinking, and developing solutions that help us all.  I want to be a part of that, in whatever way possible. 
 
Success for myself was going to involve me attaining a full-time opportunity that would afford me a sense of financial security, but also instilled a sense of value to the world at large.  I wanted to work for something that had a bigger goal than just making money or adding financial value to a company. 
 
I want to be part of a group that changes the world. 
 
And now, for the first time in my life, I feel that I’m part of a group like that.   

Here.   

In State College.  

At Penn State. 

My home. rfyn
 
****** 

A Casual Half-Watch Of The Dune Reboot. A Defense Of Nonchalantly Watching Movies.

When Dune first arrived on the scene in 2021, it arrived as a big deal.  With a 165 million dollar budget and having already been delayed due to Covid-19 concerns the anticipation for this movie was relatively large.  I knew vaguely of the prior movie, the original book, and even the video game Dune 2000.  I knew the story generally concerned space, a desert, giant worms, and something called spice.

Still, I couldn’t really get myself to watch it.  Two and a half hours for what I assumed would be a far too hard to understand movie, and one that I wouldn’t be able to get over with a bit of a half-watch.

I have found that I tend to half-watch things now more than ever.  Typically, reality style television shows such as Survivor, Masked Singer, or The Challenge, as well as some live sports.  The television format for these shows rarely if ever changes, giving me the freedom to scroll through my phone, text my friends, play a video game on the side, or even try to write an essay.

When I half-watch things, it becomes the equivalent of speed reading.  Yes, I've gotten further along, I’ve absorbed the basics and I might even pass a test if someone wanted to examine what I've retained.  But I often lose the full picture and the ability to think to critically about the story.

Eventually, due to the amount of fanfare the film was still getting and the face that the film would apparently be leaving the streaming service I had subscribed to (HBO Max), I succumbed and decided I would give the film a half-watch on my tablet and replaying Diablo 3. 

The key to absorbing anything in this form is to keep my game volume low to off, and the movie volume loud enough to take most of my attention.  Diablo 3 to me is the equivalent of driving a car.  As long as you understand exactly what you’re doing, you can drive on a highway at 65 MPH, be listening to a podcast and simultaneously perform complex actions.

However, Dune was insisting upon itself.  The character design, the sounds and score of the film, and the ability of the writing to be both loud and obvious while carrying a mystery.  I would constantly find myself rewinding and rewatching scenes that I wanted to understand or appreciate a bit more.  The artistic imagery and imagination were worthy of the accolades they received at various award shows.

The movie was great!

However, now a new reality was starting to set in.

I had become incredibly tired.

I thought that by starting the movie at roughly 9PM would mean that I would be able to stay awake until roughly 11:30 or maybe even just a little past midnight.  I thought that if I had a can of Pepsi Nitro, which had objectively more than enough sugar and caffeine that I shouldn’t have had any opportunity to get tired.  The movie I was watching was good!  The side game was stimulating enough, and I had some traditional stimulants.  Still, my eyes felt so heavy that I found myself briefly sleeping then falling back into my consciousness.

I wasn’t going to make it.  I was not going to finish Dune, and I would succumb to my bodies age and needs.

To be sure, I never regret this decision.  There are few activities I love more than going to bed when I’m exhausted.  The sensation of the soft sheets against my skin and the presence of my wife sleeping silently beside me dive me to a place of peace.  If the cost of this nighttime nirvana is the premature stopping of part 1 of a 3-part movie series, I will always pay the toll.

Anyway, this is a huge bummer, since I don’t know if I’ll be able to resume the movie after I wake up.  April 9^th will be 1 day past the displayed availability.  So when my feet hit the floor the next morning and check my paused tablet to discover an error.

Sadly it looked like my lack of late night energy costed me the opportunity to finish my half-watched movie in full.  However, as I exited the program, for whatever reason, a fresh Dune icon came up indicating the move was still On Demand.

Instead of watching at roughly the point where I had left off, I start the movie over again from the beginning.  In some ways, by half-watching the movie twice allowed for a better comprehension as to the full plot.  It drew me in further when I watched a second time, this time with a bit more of an attentive ear.  It made me a fan and looking eagerly towards the next installment.

I didn’t watch the story the way it was originally intended.  I think that most sci-fi and fantasy fans would be horrified in my casual approach to a sci-fi epic.  Yet in the end I loved the movie, and can’t recommend it enough, even if you want to do something on the side and give it a modern half-watch.